I don't want to be this way. I love it. I need it. I crave the tug of my blade parting flesh. Feeling my fingers squeeze a throat until I feel the windpipe shatter. Bathing myself in the blood...the blood. All that blood. I need it. But, I don't want it. That's what he wanted. I hate it. Why, even though I eradicated the monster, my maker. He still lives. Exists. Festers. I am what I destroyed. The scars he inflicted, the scars I bear, the scars I deliver. He made me into the perfect beast. A beast that could surpass him. While my maker could scarcely pass for anything but a killer, I have all the necessary attributes to slither into humanity in a way he never could. A candy haired, baby faced monster. Kindred and Kine alike don't perceive me as a threat. Until I want them to. Until I am.
I smile and charm. Keep the storm of insanity to a quiet roar. Try to take cover when the storm breaks. Hide it. Is that humane of me? When I feel the warning signs of hysteria creeping in like a fog, I run. Why do I run? What's stops me from exploding like a bomb and leveling those near me like so many fragile buildings? Who. Who stops me?
Little Maddie is still in there. Oh, she's buried deep. So deep. Sometimes I can't tell if she's buried in the madness...or if I'm holding her under, waiting for her to die. She's so weak. She wants to be in charge. Stop hurting them, she says. Care, she says. Open up and let someone in, she says. No. It's what I am now. Theres enough fissures in me without all that. Fissures that could be cleaved open. Exposing me, red and raw, to things I can't tolerate. No, Maddie's plans for me are just as destructive as my maker's. He wants a monster, she wants a human. What do I want? Human or monster?
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