I'm waking up the ghost, not taking out the memories that were dead to me. Now, now I'm getting close. Closer to the enemy that's inside of me.

Why is it so dark? I strain my eyes, but the blackness still envelops my surroundings. What's going on? My senses have never failed me like this. I see nothing. I hear nothing. I smell something...something burned? The void in my senses is overwhelming. Every iota of my being is telling me to run, make an escape somehow. No. I don't run. I'm not scared of the dark. Finally there's the sensation of another presence in the room. A laugh seems to come from nowhere. It's familiar in a way that threatens to push me into hysteria. "Not scared of the dark? That's ok, Maddie. I know what you're scared of." 
No no no...please. There's got to be a way out of this. I cautiously move to my left, feeling my hip graze something. A table. I skim my hand over the top of it, looking for a makeshift weapon. The table is bare. I jerk my hand away. Hearing his laugh again, I clench my jaw. I'm done. Done cowering to him. I'm stronger than that. I'll MAKE myself stronger. I taunt him. "Why don't you show yourself? I never pegged you for a coward. A sick, twisted fuck maybe..."
In a flurry of movement, his arms surround me, more powerful than they should be. I feel the point of his knife digging into my chin. "A sick, twisted fuck, am I?" 
The sound of his belt, more terror inducing than the laugh. "No!" I scream, and grab at the hand with the knife. All I receive is a slice across my palm for my troubles. Moving quick again, too quick. Too strong. He twists my arms behind me, wrapping the belt around my wrists. I try to fight back but as usual, as always, I'm too weak.

He pushes me forward, and I almost fall into the table. When I attempt to steady myself, he grabs the nape of my neck. With a rough shove, he bends me over the cold metal. My struggles are ceased when he slams my face down, bloodying my nose and stunning me. I have to fight him...have to. When he hikes my skirt up, ripping my panties off with a growl, I can feel the fight threatening to flow from me. No, I can't give in! I'm not his...I...oh god. I can't. I can't. When he thrusts himself inside me, I can do nothing but press my bloody face into the table. It feels like he's ripping me apart from the inside. I can feel the sinister kisses of blood dripping down my thighs. Grabbing a handful of my hair, forcing my head back painfully, he snarls in my ear. Each word emphasized with a thrust of his pelvis. "What was that about a sick...twisted...fuck?" I feel his knife against my neck and I almost welcome it. He keeps a steady hold on my hair, perhaps sensing my urge to slash my own throat upon his blade. "Don't you know by now, Maddie. I never let you go. I'm inside you forever." The blade trails along to my back. "Why don't I give you a reminder. A reminder that you're MINE." Something in his voice is different. It sends a whole new fear through me. Maintaining his brutal violation of my body, he presses the knife into my back. An upward slash. A descending diagonal slash. Upward diagonal. Back down in a straight line. The pain of his cutting doesn't compare to...Stop. Stop. He's laughing at he starts a new letter. Why...why does he sound like... A circle, the blood already dripping down my back. The new letter, similar to the first. I'm finally learning his name! I think to myself, near delirious. The first one was a...M...it was an M. Then the circle...an O. He finishes the third letter. An...N? Creeping dread. I feel the curve of the G before he even finishes carving it into my flesh. What? WHAT?! What is this?! The laugh is familiar in the worst way. His voice is recognizable as he hisses in my ear. "Do you understand now, Maddie? Do you get it...you crazy fucking bitch?!"

I scream, my fear reverberating through the room. The lights come on, blinding me. Mongrel growls and I feel his hand rear back to slash me with his claws. I feel the wind from his swipe as I propel myself over the table, landing with a painful thud on the cold concrete. He roars and flings the table away. "You little whore! It's your fault I'm doing this! Just take what you fucking deserve!" I cover my face with my hands, unable to believe it's him doing this to me. Please please. Let this stop. Not him! Not Mongrel! I can't I can't.. His claws catch me across my arms as I curl into my defensive position. I won't hurt him! Nothing can make me! Like a wild animal, he pounces on me, pinning me to the ground. His nails digging agonizingly into my skin. "It's time to put you down, you monster. You're disgusting." He pulls a stake from his coat pocket. I blink frantically to try to clear the blood tinged tears from my eyes as I stare into his cold yellow gaze. He's not in there. Oh, god. What have I done to him? He thrusts the stake towards my chest. In my only act of defense, I thrash hard enough to throw his aim off course. "Stop trying to halt the inevitable! You knew this was coming. What would I want with a murdering heartless bitch like you?!" 
In desperation, I speak to him. My voice is wavering. "Mongrel, please! You...you don't want to do this! I know you Mongrel. You..." I choke, afraid to speak my next words. "...you love me? I know you don't want to do this." I flinch, waiting for him to deliver a killing blow. But...wait...his eyes change. His expression softens, becoming the familiar face I know.
He blinks a few times, and the stake drops from his hand. "Oh god..." he gasps. "...you're right, Maddie. I'm so sor..."

A deafening blast pierces the room, I reflexively clench my eyes shut. I feel the heavy spatter of liquid spray my skin. Dead weight on my body. The fuck? Opening my eyes, expecting the sight of Mongrel's confused face. Instead I see...I see. "NO! OH GOD PLEASE NO!" I shriek wordlessly, taking in the horrific sight. Mongrel's headless corpse rests almost comfortably on me. I'm covered, soaked...drowning in his blood. I taste it on my lips as my mouth contorts in terror. NononopleasenoonononMongrelnonono. My mouth snaps shut, cutting of my scream as my eyes focus on the figure hovering over us. Standing over me, gun pointed where my Mongrel's head used to be. HIM.

Pyotr sneers at me. His deep accent is heavy with anger. "That. Is for not following orders."
Orders? Orders? ORDERS?! I push myself up to my feet, flinching at the feel of Mongrel's corpse slipping off of me. I want nothing more than to crawl onto the ground. Embrace the shell of the Gangrel that owns my heart. Die with him in defeat. No. Pyotr. That treacherous BASTARD! KILL HIM! Unthinking, I leap towards the Regent, armed with nothing but my body and my fury. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I sink my fangs into his face. Ripping. Tearing. Knowing I can't kill him, simply wanting to cause him even an ounce of the pain I feel. Pyotr howls in anger, leveling the gun at my temple. "DO IT YOU BETRAYING FUCK! KILL ME!" Please kill me! I can't live without him! The gun goes off and I'm tossed to the ground. The side of my head feels like a shattered ruin. I can't see out of my left eye. The blood pouring from my demolished skull isn't enough. The tears seeping from one remaining eye aren't enough. I'll die for you Mongrel. It's all I can do. I cough, and muster up the spirit to spit a mouthful of blood at the stone faced killer. "Go ahead, you power hungry fuck. Finish the fucking job. You just took all I have to live for, what else is left?" 
His face is cold, impassive. "I suppose...nothing." His finger tenses on the trigger as I turn my head. My final sight is of my Mongrel. My fault. My fault. The thunder of the gun going off as I'm riddled with bullets, my body torn to shreds. The last sound I hear, a disembodied manic giggling. The bewildering toot of a...vuvuzela?

"SERENDIPITY!" I yell aloud as I awaken. I scramble from the bathtub where I was sleeping, pulling the shower curtain off the hooks as I tumble to the floor. I frantically dart my eyes around the bathroom. My face is sticky with blood tears. Oh, god get him out of my head! Panting and shaking, I pull the curtain around me like a blanket. "'Dipity...that...fucking....."

Just feel, and play with me. And just steal away with me.

October 31, 1970

Sitting cross legged on the porch, I'm poring over a novel when I sense Law standing behind me. I continue reading, getting a couple pages out of the way when he speaks, bemused. "Sometimes you really surprise me." 
I mark my page and set the book down in front of me. "Elaborate?" He comes to stand at my side, looking down on me with his fangy smile. Pointing to the book, which just happens to be Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I shoot him a cocky look, on the defense. "Got an issue with my taste in literature, tiger?" 
His striped tail twitches as he laughs. "Just seems a little tame for a um...for you." 
I huff, feigning annoyance, and grab his tail, using it as leverage to lift myself up. He yelps, but can't hide his smile. I pick my book up and hold it to my chest. "Little Women is a classic, for your information." 
He shakes his head. "Sure, sure....Malkavians." He mumbles under his breath. "Anyway. I noticed you haven't set off for supper yet..." I look at him, eyebrow raised. "Care to double team?"
Hunting with another vampire? Heh, don't see that figuring out too well. "Dunno about that. I'm...not very good at sharing." 
"Oh, trust me darlin', I've noticed. I'm sure we could find enough of a Kine accumulation so that your selfish ways won't be hindered. It is All Hallow's Eve, after all." Halloween. Oh, my. I forgot all about that. All the kiddies will be out trick or treating. My mouth practically waters at the prospect. Law must notice my look of longing, and gives me a smug look. "Mmhmm, knew that would spark your interest." Swinging the car keys around his finger, he gestures to his prized forest green Chevelle. "Onward undead soldier!" I can't help but laugh as I climb into the ostentatious machine.

I practically leaped from the car as we drove through the surrounding neighborhoods. Masked and costumed children paraded every sidewalk. Oh, all the little innocent ones. S'like a buffet! My fingers were on the door handle when Law clamped a clawed hand over my own. "Compromise with me, darlin'. No kids tonight. I know they're your.." He makes a face. "...favorite, but let's find someone at least out of grade school." I growl at him, quietly. When I make a nonchalant attempt to remove my hand from under his, he tightens his grip and shoots me a look. He may be stronger than me but is he faster? Maybe I could hop out and get my teeth into one or two before he.. "Give it up, Mad. You know I'll take ya down, and I'd rather not have to cause a scene in front of the trick or treaters." 
The tension in the car is thick for a moment while I try to quell my own beast. I let my hand drop from the door handle and settle back into the seat. "Do you realize how close you come to evisceration on a nightly basis?" 
He pats my hand. "Well aware, darlin'." I huff and sulk as I look out the window at all the delicious treats I must abstain from. Catching a stray thought from Law ..lord she's cute when she pouts.. I shake my head an infinitesimal amount. Something seriously wrong with that boy.

An hour later we're in the more urban part of town. The Kine on the street are predominately adult, haunting the various bars and taverns. He pulls in front of a nondescript building, set apart from the more bustling storefronts. A lone, rusted sign advertises the bar as Emerald's. Hopping out of the car, he comes around to the passenger side when he notices I'm still immobile. I glance at him skeptically. "Gosh, Lawrence. This is certainly a kickin' joint." 
He bares his teeth at me in a smile. "Hmm...yeah not many people come here. Just a handful, or so." 
I reach out with my mind, getting a feel of the activity inside the building. Half a dozen Kine in various states of inebriation. Plus the bartender. Oh! My eyes light up when I realize his scheme. "Law...you scoundrel. Do you mean to say that I'm...um..that WE are going to clear the entire establishment?" 
"Glad you caught on, darlin'." He holds his hand out to assist my exit from the car, claws already sprouting from his fingers. I lift myself out of the seat, ignoring his assistance, but intertwine my fingers with his once I close the door. His face reflects the usual pleased surprise he shows whenever I reciprocate his affectionate gestures. As we walk into the gloom of the bar, thoughts of affection are replaced with the thrill of blood lust. I'm pondering who I want to take down first when Law tosses his head back in a ferocious roar of hunger. I turn to him in amazement. And here I thought I was the beast in this party. His eyes gleam red as he grins and leaps across a table, landing in between the couple whose faces are frozen in shock. As soon as his teeth break skin, the smell of blood hits me and I'm on my own course. I stalk towards the pool table, picking one of the cues up as I approach the two brawny men who brandish theirs at me. Throwing it like a javelin, I impale one of the men through the stomach. While the speared one moans and gurgles, I swat the cue out of the others hands and rip into him, tearing a chunk of flesh from his throat. The hot, ruby liquid sprays out like a fountain, soaking me before I latch onto him like a leech. As his heart slows I see a female trying to make it to the back door. I throw the partially drained body from me and take after her, getting a hold on her as she tries to slip past the jukebox. The Guess Who is cut of mid note when I smash her head through the front. I'm humming American Woman as I gut her with a shard of glass, before burying my fangs in my throat. I drop her body, and it hits the ground with a sick thump. There's still a heart beating in here! Of course. The bartender! My senses tell me he's currently cowering behind the bar. I make my way towards his hiding spot when I catch Law progressing in the same direction. I immediately assume a predatory crouch, snarling like a possessive dog. He grins at me, fangs colored red with blood. With a little bow he gestures me forward, his voice is a growl when he speaks. "Be my guest, darlin'." 
Taking a seat on a nearby stool, he sets his eyes on me and waits for me to make my move. His attentiveness spurs me to put on a little show. I wrench the pool stick from the stomach of the now dead biker and vault onto the bar top. Still humming to myself, I walk down the wood, kicking glasses and bowls over, listening to the crashes. When I up end the napkin holder, it lands with a soft thump, rather than a crash. I smile wickedly, crouching down to peek under the bar. "Foooound you!" The bartender screams and I take advantage of his open mouth and jam the pool stick into it, giggling when it rips through the back of his skull, shattering a bottle of brandy. I lift the stick and his convulsing body and flop it onto the back counter, shattering more bottles before I bite into the bartenders thigh, tearing open his femoral artery in another gush of blood.

Briefly forgetting my audience, I stretch, eyes closed, and let out a contented sigh. Licking my fingers clean, I pull my blood soaked hair off my neck. I feel a whisper of movement behind me and tense up. I open my eyes and in the bar back's mirror I see Law at my back. His yellow eyes gleam with a different sort of hunger. He takes my hair out of my grasp and sweeps it over my shoulder. I watch as he lowers his face to the crook of my neck. The rasp of his tongue sends shivers down my spine. I focus on his reflection as he methodically licks the vitae from my shoulder, my neck. His claws softly press into my skin as he grips my shoulders. When he lifts his head to meet my gaze again, I bite my lip, conflicted, unsure how to respond. He slowly turns my body to face him. Using his claws he gently releases my lip from the confines my teeth. Oh, god. I....oh. I don't know...how...what. When his mouth meets mine in a kiss, I have no choice but to reciprocate. His soft lips are a stimulating contrast to the rough abrasion of his tongue. He reaches behind us and sweeps his arm over the counter, sending bottles crashing to the floor. Without breaking the kiss, he grasps my hips and lifts me onto the table. He pulls away, leaving the taste of his mouth and sweet vitae in mine. His eyes are on mine as he unbuttons my shirt, sliding it down my arms and tossing it to the floor. Nestling his face between my breasts, he gently nips at my skin. Voice like a deep purr, he asks. "Is this ok?" 
My head is spinning from these unknown sensations. "...o...k?" His hands slowly tease from my calves, past my knees, pushing my skirt up as he exposes my skin. Nudging his way in between my legs he kneels until he's level with my waist. Running his tongue along the inside of my thigh, he turns his head up to peer at me. Yellow eyes shining, his teeth elongate. Still holding my gaze, he buries his fangs into my thigh. I gasp, my hand creeping forward to grip his hair. My response incites him, and with a growl he bites in deeper. "Aah..." I whimper in pleasure...or confusion...I can't figure out.. My senses are in an incomprehensible tangle.

Law rises from his kneel. His mouth is smeared with my blood, and I savor the taste when he kisses me. This I understand. Blood. But what is...what am I feeling? What is he feeling? HOW is he feeling? His hands slip under my skirt, fingers skating along my skin as he slides my panties down my legs. I feel the faintest twinge of misgiving. I place my hands on his chest, initially to put space between us, perhaps take a minute to get my bearings. Instead I find myself exploring the planes and muscles under his shirt. My reciprocation seems to entice him more. His claws trace a pattern along my throat as his moves his hand to grip the back of my neck firmly. His tongue continues to explore my own as he deepens our kiss. His other hand runs down my body, before relocating to his own. His lips make their way from mine, grazing my jawline as he nibbles his way along my collarbone. I hear the snap and jangle of his belt as he works it open. The quiet purr of his zipper as he pulls it down. Oh. Oh, god! No! The sounds push my psyche into unwarranted hysteria.

My memories flash to him. My maker. His knife point pressed into my throat as he yanks off his belt. Grunting and thrusting on top of me as he robs me of innocence. The painful pressure of his intrusion. Too terrified to move. To fight. His hands roughly forcing my arms above my head, the belt wrapping around my wrists. The knife as it traces a torrid line down my body. Down my chest. my stomach. Further down. The blade as it penetrates...

In a panic, I roughly push a bewildered Law away from me. He hits the bar with a yelp. I pull my legs up onto the counter, wrapping my arms around them protectively. Placing my head on my knees, I whimper when I feel his tentative touch. "Mad, what..." 
I jerk away, not looking at him as I blurt out: "Don't! Just...give me a minute. Please..." It's more like twenty minutes as I struggle to gain purchase on my insubordinate thoughts. When I'm mostly sure I've pulled myself out of a potential episode, I loosen up a fraction, raising my head. Law's pants are gratefully fastened, concern the dominant emotion on his face. "...sorry." I say in an uncharacteristically small voice. Am I sorry? I know he's disappointed, but his voice is steady and sympathetic when he speaks.
"Darlin'...it's...don't worry 'bout it." I uncurl from my position and slide off the counter. Picking my shirt up off the floor, I slide it on and re button it. What the hell is this. Am I embarrassed? Ashamed? Am -I- disappointed? "We should probably make an exit before anyone comes in and notices the...mess." 
I nod and we head out to the car. The streets have emptied out a bit, and the lot is shrouded in shadow. Good thing, since I'm still covered in a fair amount of blood. He opens the passenger door for me, his hand brushing my back as I get in. I reactively flinch, looking away so I don't see his reaction to the slight. The car ride home is quiet, save for the thunder of the Chevelle's engine. Ever the masochist, I satiate my curiosity over his silence by taking a peep in his mind. His thoughts are full of...me. I can barely comprehend it. The affection and desire send me scampering into my own brain. I don't get it? How can he feel for me? Doesn't he realize I'm a...monster. Incapable of returning the sentiment? I puzzle over this until we reach the house.

We both exit the vehicle. I slowly amble to the porch until he speaks. Leaning against the hood of the car, he carefully picks his words. "Mad, I know you've gone through some serious...shit. You don't have to tell me about it unless you want to, and from what I'm gathering you don't. That's fine, darlin'. I still want you...uh, want you around. But..." He taps his claws on the hood distractedly. "...I can't help but feel the way I do 'bout ya." He meets my eyes, and in them I see his beast yielding. Showing me his belly.
Oh, no. I can't, I don't know how to deal with this. I can't tell him something I don't feel. Do I not feel? Isn't there something? Do I care enough to try to be something for him? Do I care at all? I open my mouth, unsure of what's going to come out of it. "Law, I...I don't think you really understand what you're getting involved with here. But, knowing you, you're not going to let that hinder your mindset." He nods in assent. "So the best you're going to get...the best I can provide...is a good old fashioned try." Can I do that? Can I try? I answer my own question by stepping up to Law. I can. This is me...trying. Leaning forward, I place my hand on his cheek, pointedly ignoring the slight tremble to my movements. Pressing my lips to his, I try to put some sort of feeling in the kiss. It isn't that hard, is it? When I pull away, he looks gratified. I guess it worked. Catching a glance of my reflection in the windshield I see an oddly similar look on my own face. "I'm gonna go clean myself up." Gesturing to my bloody clothing. "Maybe finish my book." I say with a half smile.
He returns the smile. "I'm going to go for a...run." His tail flicks back and forth and he looks every bit like a restless feline.
Finding myself curious, I cock my head to the side and ask. "As a tiger? I've always wondered what it looks like when you change." 
He grins. "Happy to oblige, darlin'." He pulls his shirt over his head, doffing his pants as well. I'm briefly stunned by the exposure of his skin. His body is rippled with muscle, various scars and a few crude tattoos. He catches me staring and raises his eyebrow.
I shake myself out of the distraction. "I was always under the impression nudity wasn't necessary to take on the shape of an animal."
Smirking, he replies. "It isn't." With a flick of his tail, he transforms. One minute it's Law, the next a gorgeous tiger. The graceful animal lopes towards me, moonlight stippling his striped fur. A whiskered head nudges gently at my hand, and I respond by petting it tentatively. Law purrs and stalks away from me. I watch as he bounds into the woods, taking off with a pleased cry. Retreating into the house, I disrobe and step under the hot water, letting it clear my thoughts as well as my body.

Get back you're never gonna leave him. Get back you're always gonna please him.

July 1954

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy... I sob aloud, turning my face into the dirty pillow. I'm seventeen today. How I can remember something as trivial as my birthday given my situation? I attempt to lift my hand from the mattress to wipe away the tears that seem to constantly pour from my eyes. The chain rattles on the bed frame, halting my hands progress, the rusted metal digging into my wrist. I cry out, pulling on the restraints fruitlessly. My only achievement being the splitting of the scabs that lingered under the cuffs. Please, please. I struggle for several moments until I hear the warning sound of his arrival for the night. I still my movements immediately. Maybe. Maybe if I behave myself...he'll go easy on me tonight. Such barren wishes.

He drops a canvas bag on the floor. Something in the heavy thump of it's landing send a chill through me. The beast smiles at me like I'm a prized possession. I am, after all. Aren't, I? "It's a special day, isn't it my precious?" 
I swallow and meet his steely gaze. "Is...is it?" 
He reaches into his pocket, extracting the manacles key. Sitting on the mattress next to me, he runs the back of his hand across my cheek. The gesture is almost affectionate but I have to fight the urge to shrink away from his touch. He'd punish me if I did. Speaking as he unlocks my wrists from their restraints, "Punish you? Is that what you think I do?" He shakes his head in mock disbelief. When I'm released, he walks back to the bag on the floor. I watch as he pulls more heavy chain from the bag. He loops them through a ring installed in the ceiling, two metal clips hanging from the ends. Oh no, oh no what does he have planned? Once the contraption is rigged, he points a long finger at me. "Do you want to see your birthday present?" 
I shudder and respond in a small voice. "N-n-no. I'm...I...please don't hurt me." He grins, sharp teeth glinting. From the bottom of the bag he pulls out my...present.

The handle looks like highly polished mahogany. Hanging from the handle...Oh my god....nine, thin steel cords. The whips ends slither and sway with every movement of the hand that holds it. I panic, cowering back against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest. He levels his gaze at me. "Now now, monster. None of that. Come to me like a good pet." When I don't abide, he sets the whip on the table with a huff. Now standing at the bed, he holds his hand out to me. "Come to me. Now." 
"No!" I spit out at him. When he tries to grab my arms, I throw my foot out, landing a kick to his stomach. Now the rage rises in him. He yanks me up by the collar of my shirt and heaves me across the room, where I land in a heap under the chains. When I scramble to get up, he's on me in an instant. He pins my arms to my sides and slams me over the table. Bent over, face scraping against the wood, I struggle in his grasp. He lifts my arms above my head, snapping them into metal cuffs. I grunt and continue to fight the losing battle with him. He toys with me, letting me put up a fight, before he grasps both my shoulders and growls against the back of my neck. "As much I love when you try to fight me...mmm...we have work to be done." He lifts me from the table, dragging me to the middle of the room and clipping my hands to the chains. Then, he has the whip in his hand, teasing me with it. Running the cords along my prone figure. "You're so beautiful when you're helpless. I only hope you can enjoy this as much as I will." He steps around me, out of my line of sight.

"Please!" I beg. "Don't, please don't!" I thrash as much as I can, knowing either way I'm going to be punished and hurt. The chains jangle on their hook above my head. My hands and arms already going numb from their suspended position. He laughs from behind me. I feel his arms come around my body, the whip in between his hands. He holds it in front of my eyes.
"Shush now, monster!" Lowering his hands, he presses the whips flush against my throat. Pulling it just tight enough to silence my begging, he whispers, breath hot in my ear. "They'll be enough time for screaming and begging later." He removes the cold cables from my neck once my whimpering ceases.
I let out one more pathetic "...please...", knowing it was useless.
He wraps a hank of my hair around his fist, pulling my suspended body against his own. "You don't want to provoke me so early in the night..." I feel the evidence of his excitement pressing into me. It's only my unadulterated repulsion that persuades me to be silent. "Mmm, pity." I hear the smirk in his voice as he pulls away, releasing my hair. "Now. Seventeen. You turned sweet seventeen today. So we'll have one for each year, and if you're good, another for luck." Maybe by some chance it won't be...that bad. I think to myself hopelessly. I hear the metallic slithering of the cords, envisioning how he's gently stroking the whip before....

CRACK. The steel bites across the small of my back. The pain is red, hot and caustic. I choke down the cry that threatens to escape my mouth. He pauses, perhaps waiting to see if I'll relent this early. Then, CRACK. He hits me again, harder this time. I grit my teeth, well aware that this whip can cleave my flesh, knowing he's just toying with me. I feel the third strike, across my shoulders as it breaks the skin. The next three land on my buttocks, each tearing my skin further. The blood is tickling it's way down the backs of my thighs. I've still managed to hold in my cries, although not the tears that course their way down my face. The beast steps around in front of me, his face is speckled lightly with ruby droplets. His grey, depthless eyes are alight with enthusiasm and arousal as he studies my face. "Look at you, precious monster. So very brave." The whip dangles from his hand. It's coated in my blood. While I watch, he brings it up to his face, licking my life fluid from the steel cords with relish. I hold my composure, meeting his eyes in silence. "I should of figured it would take a bit more effort to break you." He says with an evil smile. Without warning, he thrashes the whip sidearm, across my chest. I gasp and drop my head, watching as my blood seeps through the split in my shirt. Hold it in, Maddie. You're stronger than him. I hear him chuckle quietly and return to his position behind me. "Ten more, my pet. And the one for...good luck." The whip lands another five times, each strike cutting deeper. Still, somehow, I've managed to not make a sound. I know from the ascending intensity of each blow that he's losing his temper. What's the worst he can do? Kill me? My thoughts are more bitter and stinging than the whip.

I hear him set the weapon down and he's at my back, gently stroking the open wounds. "You don't have to hold back, monster. Not tonight." His lips graze my neck as he speaks. He's disappointed I haven't caved in yet. He thinks it's a game. "I want you to scream for me. You know you want to give me what I want." 
I feel a fiery rage rising in me. I'm not...NOT his little toy. I'm not... Unwisely, I speak. Taunting him. "Maybe, you're losing your touch." I force my lips into a smirk.
The atmosphere in the room seems to grow thick with his anger. He digs his fingers into one of the gashes in my back. "Losing my touch? Losing my touch, eh?!" With a snarl he grabs my throat. Kicking my legs apart, he forces his hand between my thighs. "Why don't I SHOW you how much I'm losing my touch?" He hisses in my ear. "How about if I take you right here?! How about I FUCK you while you're hanging here like a piece of meat?! What's a little more blood? Will you scream then, monster? WILL YOU SCREAM?!" He shrieks the last words at me, both hands vise like on my body. I'm trembling, sweat and tears rolling down my face as I silently await his next move. Abruptly he releases me and picks the whip back up. The last blows are vicious, flaying my flesh open. I can hear him panting with the exertion of each hit. Obliging to his expectations...I scream. I scream, sure that the next strike will kill me. Then the next. Over and over until I receive each of my birthday lashings. My back feels like one enormous open wound. My throat is raw. The beast steps away from me for several moments. Or hours. I can't tell.

The screams have tapered to a steady wailing. Now he stands in front of me. Any anger he retained is gone from his face. "Do you know why I do this to you, my pet?" Because you're a sick, sadistic bastard. He slaps me across the face, my head rocks to the side form the impact. "Stop trying to provoke me again." He taps my forehead with his finger. A small trickle of blood wells on my lip. He leans forward, placing his mouth on mine, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. In a repulsive, macabre way...there is tenderness in the kiss. He unlocks the shackles from above my head, wrapping his arms around me so I don't fall. His hands graze my wounds and I howl in pain. "Shush now, monster." I try to contain my cries as he sets me in a chair. He spends the next half hour cleaning the gashes in my skin with a remarkable gentleness. As he patches each one, he whispers to me in a soothing voice. His words...threats...promises, they flow through my thoughts somehow bringing comfort. Once or twice he asks again, "Do you know why I do this to you?" He slips a clean, soft shirt over my head and walks me to my mattress. "You'll have to lay on your side, it will irritate your injuries less." I comply, and climb onto the bed, whimpering through the sharp pain spiraling through my body. He squats down next to the bed, meeting my eyes and taking my hand. "Do you know why I do this to you? Do you, Madelyn?" 
I swallow and nod against the pillow. Gazing into his gray eyes, I whisper to him. "Yes, I do." He sets his chin on my hand, waiting for my answer. "B-because I belong to you. I'm...yours." The fabric under my head is already damp with tears. I'm his. Oh, god...I'm really his. 
His smile is genuine. Leaning forward, he presses his lips to mine again, and I respond in kind. Rising to his feet, he crosses the room. Before walking out the door, he turns, a sickening look of adoration on his face. "Sweet dreams, monster. My monster. My Madelyn." And the door slams shut.

This suffering’s my blessing. The death of sin is how I live.

A breeze picks up, cooling the stifling hot air a fractional amount. The young brunette woman in my arms is slowly ceasing her struggling as I drain her of vitae. The smell of ozone, signaling the impending storm reaches my senses even over the scent of blood. After a few moments, I drop the depleted corpse, nudging it under a pile of debris with my boot. I wipe my lips and peer down as my clothes. Didn't even need a bib. So it IS possible for me to eat without making a mess. I step out from the alley. The wind flutters my dress around my legs and sends my hair flying over my shoulder in a candy colored fan. Despite a filling meal and the optimistic expectations of a night at Elysium, a somber look remains on my face as I watch the sky for streaks of lightning. Aside from the recent unexplained anxiety, the knowledge of an upcoming event weighs on my mind. I'd be 67 this Tuesday.

Memories of a sunny and hot day in July. Balloons and banners adorn the gazebo. Sweet sixteen. Mom and Dad chat away with some of the neighbors. My small cluster of friends gathered in the yard, cavorting with the dogs or playing croquet. Sweet icing on the chocolate cake Mom made for me.

I snap myself out of my reminiscing. Stop dwelling on the dead. I frown. It's hard not to dwell when I should be a senior citizen enjoying retirement and grandchildren but instead, I'm this immortally fucked up hurricane of derangement and insanity. I continue my moping until fat raindrops start falling, darkening the warm pavement. My feet move of their own accord, leading me to the club as my mind wanders.

I greet the familiar Kindred, my smile fluctuating between friendly and menacing, depending who I'm directing it toward. I meet a few new faces, fulfilling my Harpy duties in Notte's stead. One of the new faces belongs to one of my own clan. It's about time Malkavians start rearing their heads again. Here's hoping their heads stay on their bodies... When my new Malk introduces himself as Taco, a snippet of song flickers through my thoughts. Taco taco, burrito burrito...Taco flavored kisses... I shake my head. What IS it with this place? Another Malkavian is rumored to be wandering around, but no other kooks introduce themselves to me. Feeling slighted, it's probably a good thing he hasn't approached me. The higher ups are so intolerant of unprovoked violence. The former Harpy Lucita, fresh from a vacation, and really just fresh all around, congratulates me on my ascending to assistant harpy. At some point the Tommy the priest meets up with me, and to my bewilderment offers me an invite to a upcoming gathering at his new church and a ziploc bag of cocaine. I accept both offers, the latter of which I take to conceal the fact that I'm actually taken aback by his proposition. I shove the baggie in my boot. If anything, it'll make an interesting conversation starter with someone.

I finally meet the acquaintance of the warrior-esque Gangrel who joined in the attack against Tybalt. Tattooed, battle scarred and imposing, she introduces herself as Munin. Despite her stoic demeanor, I find myself feeling fond of the Viking. The standoffish Gangrel that's been creeping around Elysium lately finally makes himself know as Magnus. I greet him with trepidation, never trusting the handful of Kindred who keep to the shadows, thinking their observing goes by unseen. But, seeing as he's been Deputized, Mongrel must see something trustworthy in him. My Mongrel doesn't always place his trust in the best places. Spotting his badge glinting under the flashing lights of the club, I peer into the corner where Mongrel is deep in conversation with Pyotr and E. He glances up, yellow eyes meeting mine with a brief smile of salutation. Then again, he also places trust in a unstable Malkavian, so who am I to judge? I smile back, hoping it looks believable despite the perplexing whispers that start up at the sight of his company. When Mongrel returns his attention to the Regent and Seneschal I let the smile fall from my face. I flinch, rubbing at my temples in response to the incomprehensible voices. Please stop. I don't understand what you're saying! The only reply I get is a wave of worry, warning and confusion. I curl up in a chair by one of the tables, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my head on them as I try to quell the voices. What's the point of heightened intuition and insight if I can't even figure out what it's trying to tell me? I feel the nearness of someones presence and sigh. I don't plan on acknowledging the being until I get a curious sense of recognizable peculiarity from this new arrival. I lift my head, taking in the sight of a brightly smiling redhead. His fiery hair enhanced by a matching baggy coat. As I stare, a small coral snake slithers over his collar, relocating from one shoulder the other. I cock my head to the side in silent curiosity as a smile inexplicably pulls at the corners of my mouth. Yet ANOTHER Malkavian? 
I let the redhead speak first, his voice whimsical and pleasant. "You must be Madelyn! Mongrel's told me about you, I'm Simon. And this..." He tenderly strokes the snake under it's mouth. "..is Ophelia." At the mention of his name, I put my guard down a fraction, remembering a few conversations Mongrel and I had about his old friend.
I let him whisper to his snake for a moment before responding. "Does the snake ever talk back?" 
He grins widely, my cheeks hurt just looking at him. "All the time. Ophelia and I are the best of friends." 
"If only the things that talk to me could be more friendly.." I say, somewhat forlornly. Simon and I make small talk, while my inner cacophony shriek the usual warnings of befriending another Kindred. I feel amenable towards the redheaded Malkavian, despite some of the glaring differences in our natures.

I'm forced to part ways with my new companion when I notice the flickering of an altercation stirring on the other side of the club. Quickly learning of potential shadiness involving a Kindred Atticus, and said shadiness affecting Mongrel, battle lust takes a hearty leap forward through my psyche. I'm perturbed when Mongrel thwarts my efforts to bite the face off of the trouble making Gangrel. Politics ruin all my fun. I think, with a pout, watching Mongrel head to the roof to make a call to Pyotr. I follow, watching his back and non-chalantly eavesdropping on his side of the conversation. My interest wanes when I realize blood shed probably isn't in the cards, only to be piqued again when my own cell phone goes off alerting me to a text message. I'm at the club, where the fuck are you? I grin when I realize it's Fate. Before I can respond I receive another text. Get the hell down here, poser! I'm bored! Despite the fact that trouble usually follows when two undead teens with a taste for chaos get together, I shrug and head back into the main area. Why not stir up a bit of trouble. It is almost my birthday after all. I meet up with the smirking Lasombra. "Took you long enough. Maybe you would of moved a little faster if I said Hot Topic was having a sale." 
I sneer in response. "Yeah and where have YOU been lately? Too busy writing fan fiction about Benji and Joel Madden?" We both laugh, oblivious to the disconcerting stares the fellow vampires give us. Pondering what commotion we can start, I off handedly mention the baggie of cocaine residing in my boot.
Fate's dark eyes shine with mischief. "Let's do it!" 
I mull it over, remembering the few times I imbibed in intoxicating substances. Mongrel's disapproval flashes through my thoughts and I wave my hand in indignation. I behave myself more often than he realizes. I think it's about time Madelyn acts out a little. I pull the baggie out and Fate grins. Realizing consuming the drugs out right won't have any effect on my system, she decides to take some first, then let me drink from her. "Alriiight. Don't get mad if I eat you, though." 
She snorts a couple lines of the white powder and scoffs. "I'll backhand you with my shadow arms if you get out of control." When she lifts her head, her pupils have dilated and she practically crackles with energy. Ooh, ooh! It's my turn! Fate tilts her head to the side and I sink my teeth into my friend. When her blood hits my throat it's like a firework exploding in the night sky. Fucking-a! The Lasombra's eyes are slitted, lost in her own sensations. She wouldn't even notice if I just...mmm...fuck. With more than a little reluctance I extract my fangs from her throat.

For a moment everything slows down to a crawl. The music is low and churning a thick beat that reverberates in my ears. The lights sweep along the walls leisurely. Then, like someone pressed fast forward on a VCR,  everything rushes back to speed and I'm overwhelmed by the onslaught of sights, sounds, smells. Smells! SMELLS! I meet Fate's eyes and know she's sharing this amazing rush. I throw my head back and bellow mad laughter. She bounces on her toes, grinning. "I knew this would be a great idea!" 
Vibrating with anticipation, I feel like I'm on the edge of combustion. FUCK! I've gotta GET INTO SOMETHING! "C'mon, let's find somebody to fuck with!" Almost immediately we hone our attention to a mortal watching the dancers from the top floor railing. Accosting the girl, learning her name is Katie, Fate questions her while I stalk the human in a small circle. Twining in and out of her thoughts, not really absorbing any information, I catch the scent of Kindred on her. Hmm, must be someones ghoul. Breathing deeply, I bite my lip and fight the urge to take a bite or two or twenty. With a whoop of laughter, Katie's being dangled over the dance floor. Supported only by Fate's shadows. She looks over at me, eyebrow raised in silent inquiry and I nod frantically at the Lasombra. "Drop her! Drop her!" I squeal, clapping my hands in excitement. Fate turns her wicked smile back to the suspended human and pull her shadows back into herself. We rush over to watch Katie fall, frowning in disappointment when the Kine lands on her feet, only slightly unsteady. I snarl, "My turn." and dart down the stairs, confronting Katie amongst the throng of onlookers. I put on my most charming smile as I retain her attention and delve into her mind. Pulling and tweaking, I twist her emotions into a snarl before turning the intangible knob in her brain and bringing it all to a fever pitch. I pull out of her thoughts, about to sit back and watch the show when I'm distracted by lovely Lucita. Following her around the dance floor, I relish her anxiety as I stalk her, a hungry smile on my face. Just as soon, the smile is wiped from my face when I see E. with her hands on Fate's shoulders, looking thoroughly pissed. Oh. Fuck! She looks up, directing her anger at me and I dodge around a few vampires, hiding behind a mountainous dark skinned Kindred. I smile up at him nervously and when E. approaches he turns to her, giving me enough cover to make another dash for freedom. Eventually, even with the large Kindred's assistance, she corners me. "Cocaine!? You two did COCAINE? What were you THINKING?!" Despite the severity of the situation, I chuckle under my breath as she berates me. Catching my snicker, she sticks her finger in my face. "You're a TERRIBLE babysitter!" Mmm...babies? Where are the babies? "Come with me." She snarls at me and I follow, twitching the whole time.

A vile murmuring starts up in my head as I await the consequences to my actions. Trouble...trouble..you're in trouble...they're going to kill you... I rub my face vigorously. Come ON! Gimme a fucking break! Abruptly, a brawny Kine confronts me. Stepping closer than most immortals, let alone a human would do, he yells in my face. "You gave drugs to the REGENT'S DAUGHTER?!" 
Boy I'm getting real tired of people SCREAMING at me. I reply to him, acid in my voice. "I didn't GIVE her anything. She took some drugs, I took some drugs and now everyones screaming in my FUCKING face!" I turn to run off again and suddenly theres a gun in my face.
"Sit the fuck down." 
 Is this guy fucking kidding me? I oughta rip his fucking throat out! Wait...no...wait wait. CONTROL yourself, Maddie. Isn't this why you're in this situation to begin with? But a gun? REALLY? I could pull his arms off before he even pulls the trigger. BUT I SHOULDN'T. Why not though? Mongrel. Fuck! He isn't here! Like he won't BE HERE? "STOP YELLING DAMN IT!" The ghoul looks at me, impassive.
The large Kindred that was aiding me earlier raises an eyebrow. "You ok?" 
I squirm and clutch my head. "No no, not so much. I think...I think I need...where's..." How am I supposed to hear myself think with everyone in here? JUST WAIT IT'LL ONLY GET WORSE. "I DON'T NEED YOUR INPUT!" I bounce on my heels, curled up in the corner. Fuck this. I'll just pull the motherfuckers brain apart. Who cares of he flips out and starts shooting everyone? My lips twist into a smile as I meet the gun brandisher's gaze, I'm just about to shove a intangible fist through the guys brain when the oncoming scent of cloves distract me from my plans. Of course. Just when it's about to get REALLY fun.

I hear Mongrel's voice, irate as he queries the ghoul. His words are drowned out in the din. Too many voices, too many fucking VOICES. You know what would help? Shredding someone. I glance past Mongrel and the douche with the gun. All those mortals. Why would we allow them in if I'm not allowed to pick a couple of them off? I don't even realize I'm growling like hungry dog. I feel Mongrel approach me, his hand on my head, soothing me. But, it doesn't soothe. "Maddie, I'm going take you home." 
I'm tense, agitated as my eyes focus on him, then tick back to the crowd. "I don't want to go home." I want to kill someone. Destroy someone until it quiets down in here. 
His face is resigned. "You're in a lot of trouble, and you're high as a kite. I need to get you home." 
Why does he always do this? Can't I make my own decisions? I'll just run from him. No, he'll catch me. I can't run anyway. JUST LET ME GO. Does he understand I need to...what do I need to do? Why does he have to take me away? 'Cause he cares. DOES HE? DOES HE? Oh, shut up! I shake my head back and forth, trying to shut everything up. I look back up at Mongrel, about to thank him for saving my skin again, about to acquiesce and go home. Until. "No." He almost looks shocked. "I'm not going anywhere." Why am I acting like this?

The next hour goes by in a blur. Mongrel somehow gets me home, literally kicking and screaming. My attempts to escape are thwarted by his newly superior speed. Fucking...this fucking CELERITY bullshit! NO FUCKING WONDER NOBODY WANTS ME TO LEARN IT. My hysteria reaches a new height when he pulls industrial strength cables from the closet. What the hell? WHEN DID HE GET THESE? "No! You're not going to....NO! GET OFF ME!" 
In another burst of speed, he's strapping my arms to the bed. "Please, Maddie! Just...please calm down! I'm doing this for your own good." 
He's doing this for HIS own good. Stop it stop it. Why do you think he got them in the first place? This was his plan. STOP IT. He's just like everyone else.. 
Mongrel's voice reaches me through my frantic thoughts. "Maddie you know I care about you...." No he doesn't NO HE DOESN'T. "...you're safe..." I'm never safe! "...please...Maddie...it's...you're.." and his voice is lost to me.
The cold steel of the cables wrapped around me, I'm back there. Please oh god not this. ANYTHING ANYTHING don't.."Please don't do this to me!" I beg with whoever it is that put me here. Mongrel. It's Mongrel. He did this to you! "Please, Mongrel! DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!" I'm screaming until my throat is raw and then the time slips.

I don't know how long it's been. The last traces of the cocaine are out of my system, I'm only aware of that by the gradual normalizing of time. Still restrained to the bed, I'm hysterical, terrified. I can't figure out what's real and what isn't. Why I'm here. How I got here. I just know I need to get out before...before this. I see him standing at the foot of the bed. "What took you so long? Isn't this your favorite?" 
My maker smiles at me, and wags his finger like I'm a bad puppy. "Didn't I tell you, monster? Warn you? So, it starts doesn't it? How'd you get here, hmm?" I...I was...and Mongrel put me here. My brow furrows. "He did. Because he cares about you, doesn't he? Has your best interests at heart? Because he LOVES you. Am I right, monster?" 
I can't stand the mocking tone of his voice but the fight is gone from me. You can't argue because you know I'm right. "Stop it! Get out of my head!" My maker sows discord throughout my mind for the rest of the night. I can't even argue his point of view. Because I know he's right. No, that's not...he's not right. I can't...figure out...what's right. His words seep through my consciousness no matter how much I scream. Even as I struggle to extract myself from the restraints, I hear him. Even when I wrench my shoulder, painfully dislocating it from the socket, my wail of pain doesn't drown out his words. I lay on the bed, face sticky with coppery tears, my arm throbbing.
"If you even think for a moment you can keep this together....do you really think he can keep you together? Poor, sorry little monster." I don't want to hear anymore!" "What do you think is going to happen? Happy ever after? Monster and her broody lover? All your little undead allies? Your...friends?" He laughs heartily as I weep.
"You've already ruined me enough, why can't you let me go?"
"I'm the only one you have who will NEVER let you go, my monster. Mine. You are mine." In my exhausted state of mind, his voice finally starts to fade. He's done what he came to do, though. I can't even...why can't he just torture me like he used to? Why is he trying to fill my head with these...doubts and...lies...warnings....worries. Then sun must be rising. It's a struggle to keep my eyelids open. My right arm still aches, the torn muscles unable to heal properly from their displaced position. If I fall asleep it'll just get worse. The blood tears on my face are mostly dried, save for two moist streaks on ear cheek where the stray tear keeps escaping. The nightmares...and... Somewhere beyond my bed and the light proof window, the morning begins. Against my will, but mercifully...I drift off.

I'm losing all control. But then another memory lashes out, and I seem to fake, everything that once was great. It's still in me.

Hard at work on a hazy summer night. It's been too long since I've taken the time to REALLY play with someone. The deep set need has been gnawing at me. Especially considering the recent events, it's past due that I had a little me time. Just Maddie and her toys. None of those pesky emotions. Minimal chatter from the choir of voices that normally haunt me. I'm satiating them, after all. Most of them.

My victim, some random guy I happened upon while wandering the streets aimlessly, is securely duct taped to the table. The house we're in has been under construction for awhile, the walls built, but still covered in plastic sheeting. The air is thick and hot. Sweat beads on my victims forehead, slowly dripping into his eye. He blinks, trying to clear his vision so he can keep track of my preparing. It makes him look stupid, and I laugh as I'm setting out my instruments for the evening. The last thing I set out being a pad of paper and a pen. I think for a moment, scribbling on the paper. Meeting my victim's eyes, I smile in anticipation. "This is gonna be a tough one. Twelve letters." His face turns red with the effort it takes to try to speak through the tape I pasted over his mouth. "Ugh. Guess I'll have to take this off if I want you to play properly." I rip the tape off and roll my eyes when he gives a shout of pain. As expected, he starts the ever present begging for his life. Yada yada yada. I wrap my hand around his throat, squeezing just enough to halt his pathetic whining. "LIKE I SAID. Twelve letters. What's your guess?" I release my grip.
"Please, oh god please. Why are you doing this? God please help me!" 
He's not paying attention to me! Thoroughly irked, I bring my hand with the pen in it down to his face, holding it a centimeter away from the frantically moving orb of his eye. "Last chance. Make your fucking guess." Maddeningly, he starts to pray. "Oh, this is cute. I've never hear this crap before." My voice drips with sarcasm. "Let me show you how I pray..."

Picking the hand saw up from the table, I hold it up so he can see it. The terror exudes from his very pores, letting off the aroma I love. I lick my lips and bring the saw to his left ankle. I press down just enough to part a few dermal layers. Just enough to start the flow of blood. The sight of it brings everything into place. Oh, nothing can compare to this. Nothing. Nothing. I slowly push the saw back and forth, luxuriating in each stroke of the blade. Skin splits. Muscles and ligaments tear at my will. It takes a bit more effort once I hit the bone, but that makes the job even more satisfying. It isn't until I saw through the last layer of skin connecting his foot to his leg that I even register his agonized shrieks. The foot drops, bouncing on the carpet. Blood pours wastefully out of the stump at the end of his leg. Whoops, get your mind back in the game Maddie. I replace the saw in my hand with an industrial strength iron. Somehow, his shrieks manage to intensify when I press the hot metal against the seeping stump of his leg, cauterizing the wound. The screaming starts to irritate me, and I toss my victim's severed foot at his face. "Shut up! Can't you see I'm helping you, here?!" Some people are SO ungracious. I pull the iron away once the bleeding ceases. His screams are tapering off, his eyelids fluttering. I deliver a hard slap to the side of his face, jarring him away from unconsciousness. "You've still gotta make a guess, ya know." I can't decipher anything from his moans and groans so I shrug. "Kay. Guess you miss another one." I repeat the process on his right arm, from the elbow. Halfway through, the saw, slippery with blood, gets difficult to maneuver. I remedy the situation by carefully licking the weapon clean as my victim shudders and cries. The blood briefly alleviating some of the lust, I continue my work, relieving him of his arm and cauterizing the wound closed. Much to my dismay, he faints from the shock. I pout and kick at the table, hoping he'll reawaken. Fine. I can be patient. Entertain myself while I wait. I pull my Ipod from my bag of toys, taking care not to get blood on it as I flip to a song and sing along.

"Don't you want to know how we keep starting fires? It's my desire, It's my desire. Danger! Danger! High Voltage!"

Oh, how lucky! My phenomenal singing talents must of woken him up! My victim groans, finally coming to. "Welcome back friend!" The sound of my voice starts the futile begging again. It pisses me off, so I take the scalpel from my bag and slice his eyelids off, just for the hell of it. I'm proud of myself, managing not to puncture the eye itself despite his struggling. Even with the cauterization, I know it will be all too soon before my plaything dies from shock so I speed up my process, still trying to get him to guess at least one letter. Just one! That's all I ask! At the end of the game, I throw the scrap of paper I'd been scribbling on. A sketch of a a stick man hanging from the gallows adorns the sheet. I cross my arms, perturbed. "The word was HABERDASHERY! Was that really so hard to guess?!" The only response I get is a low pitched squealing. I look down at my play thing. I amputated each arm at the shoulder, and the legs at the hip. His lidless eyes are rolled back in his head, and he's still trying to scream although I removed his tongue. Huh. I've made a human pillow. I link my hands behind me and serenely watch as his struggles cease. Each beat of the heart becoming more disjointed. And then..."Ah. Time of death.." I look at my watch. "3:29 a.m." I laugh, and the sound reverberates disturbingly in the empty room. Then, over my laughter, I hear another sound.

Slow, purposeful clapping. My laughter cuts off as if I'd been gagged. I turn around, resigned. Of course. Why am I not surprised. These two aspects of my life are so very interconnected. 
My maker, leaning against a sawhorse, clapping long fingered hands together. "Bravo, monster! You are an artist after my own heart." 
Fighting the hysteria that is just on the edge of stampeding through my mind, I reply. "You're not really here?" The quizzical tone in my voice makes me cringe. Stop. Be strong. You beat him once...
He stops his clapping, and places his hands on his thighs, leaning forward. In a whispered tone, "Does that really matter? I'm here, I'm there. Burned and dead, or here in your head. Either way you're listening, aren't you?" I want to say no. I want to turn around and run. How can a delusion still have such a hold on me? "Because you have always, and will always be mine, monster." I open my mouth to respond, but all the gallantry runs from me. Glancing back at my limbless play mate, I frown. Isn't this supposed to make it better? Make him...shut up? Why am I still so... I whimper out loud, and wrap my arms around myself. The specter of my maker smiles, knowing he's conquered me once again.

He walks toward me, and I shuffle a few inches back. Holding up a hand, a warning, he catches my gaze and wills me to be still. I accede, holding myself tighter and watching him as he slowly circles me. My face is a mask of grief and dismay. I though I was...strong. He stops his circling to lift my chin. "And who told you that, monster?" I listlessly try to pull my face away. His grip tightens. Fingernails digging into my skin, drawing blood. "This is all you know. This is all you can understand." Again, I try to respond. Instead of a snappy retort, I sob aloud. Please can't you just leave me alone. I'm trying. Trying to be...something. Someone. He releases his grip on my chin and continues his pacing. Circling me. Circling as he licks my blood from his fingertips. Circling his prey. "That's right. My prey. You still know your place." My place. He still manages to beat me down, even barely laying a hand on me. "Isn't it easier when you're mine? My ways are simple. Cut.." He smirks. "..and dry. You always know where you stand, how to react, how to behave. None of these, what do you call them? Pesky emotions?" But..I..want to feel. My brow creases in confusion to my own thoughts. I want to feel? He stops in front of me again. "No, monster. You don't." He unwraps my arms from around myself, placing them at my sides. Taking my face in between his hands, he forces my head up. And...as expected...I meet his eyes. He almost looks...concerned? "Concerned?" He laughs. "I'm only trying to protect my property." 
I finally manage to speak. "Protect me? From what?" From who?
Hands on my cheeks, his thumb gently caresses my lips. "Look, monster." A harsh bolt of agony strikes through my brain. Images flip through too fast to comprehend. All I feel is the pain. Pain pain pain. "Shh...shhhh.." 
I hear his voice over my own shriek. "What...what is that?" My voice is thick with the threat of tears.
"Things to come. You've opened yourself to a whole new sort of pain, monster." 
My hands flutter at my sides, before reaching up to clasp my maker's against my face. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" 
A flash of irritation crosses his face. He always hated when I shouted at him. I brace for the inevitable violence. What I understand, right? It doesn't come. Instead he shakes his head dispirited. "I'll give you a favorable option, monster. Stay. Stay in here, with me. Stay with what you understand. The simplicity of torture and fear. I'll only hurt you in ways you comprehend." 
In my last ditch effort of courage, I reply. "Never. Never. I've made a life here. I'm going to put together the pieces you shattered. LET. ME. GO." 
My maker's hands slowly drop from my face. He backs up a few steps, an unfathomable look on his face. "Poor Madelyn. You think you've felt pain? The best is yet to come." He places a hand over his heart, shaking his head at me. I squeeze me eyes shut, confounded.

When I reopen them he's gone. It's just me. Oh. And my...play..thing. I look at the mess on the table and feel an unwarranted disgust. I shake my head, trying to jog my mind into it's normal state. With a sigh, I start cleaning up. The gruesome joy I felt when I was playing is extinguished. Now...I don't know what I feel. Pulled in about ninety directions, none of which are fully conceivable. Before I exit the shell of a house, I hear my maker's voice whisper through my thoughts. A storm is coming. "Shut up." I mumble, half heartedly. I make my way home.  I'm just stepping onto the porch when the sky opens up without warning. From the shelter of the awning, I turn around to stare into the downpour. This. This isn't what he meant. I rub my face vigorously, returning my gaze to the front door. A storm... I force my lips into a smile, hoping it doesn't look as much like a grimace as it feels, and let myself into the house.

I'm human debris. I am crashed and dead. I'm a catastrophe.

April of 1970

I'm spiraling quickly, trying to get out and away before I lose hold on myself. "Law.." My voice is high pitched, near frantic. It hurts my ears. I hold my head as if trying to hold back the insanity attempting to burst forth from my brain.
Law stands his ground in front of the door. Stubborn! Why is he so hellaciously STUBBORN? "I'm not moving. If you're going to flip out, do it here. I'm not letting you run off and get yourself killed." 
In my head, pseudo laughter fills my ears. I sink to my knees, hugging myself. I hear his voice over Law's. The same voice that's been haunting me for the past fifteen years.
Why run, monster? 
I can smell his putrid breath as he hisses madness in my brain.
Let the fool try to stop you. Let him hold my monster back. Put him in his place, show him who you belong to! 
I growl under my breath. "I don't belong to you. I've NEVER belonged to you!" Oh, god. Why won't this idiot let me out before it's too late!? My hands curl into claws, the nails digging into my arms as I try to hold myself together.
Law speaks in his calm tenor. "Fight through this, I know you can. Whatever you hear, it isn't real." His concern makes me sick. Too late. It's too late. He takes a courageous step towards me, bending down to my level. "C'mon, look at me, darlin'." His words do nothing to satiate me. If anything it infuriates me. A trick, this is all another one of his tricks. A mind game. He won't fool me this time... When I meet his eyes, it's not my friend I see but some ill perceived threat. An immortal sent from my dead sire to finish the job he failed to. I uncurl from my protected ball and crouch on my toes, hands braced on the ground, ready to pounce. The menace in my vision speaks. "Oh, darlin'. You don't want to do this." I lean forward, baring my teeth. "Stop this. Back off, Maddie." His insolent use of my name makes me see red. I snap, and fly at him in a crazed rage.

He catches my wrists before I can strike him. This false ally tries to placate me. I barely hear his voice over my enraged snarling. My maker laughs maliciously. Instigating. Egging the stranger on to attack me.
Time to teach you your lessons, little monster. Someones got to do it. You made sure I couldn't, didn't you? 
I scream incoherently, pulling an arm out of his grasp and landing a hard punch to the side of his jaw. It's like hitting stone, and the pain in my hand sets me off even more. Despite the tension, my attacker laughs. "That's a helluva right hook." 
I wrench my other hand free. "You're mocking me? I'll tear you apart!" 
He moves towards me again and I step sideways, grabbing a heavy vase from the table. I smash it across it face, eliciting a yelp from him. A trickle of dark blood drips from a wound on his temple. I brandish the jagged neck of the vase at him, grinning wickedly. Faster than I can react he slaps the makeshift weapon out of my hand. Spinning me around, he wraps his arms around me, pinning mine behind my back. I fight tooth and nail like a wild animal, attempting to tear the flesh of his stomach with my restrained hands. When I catch his skin, he growls. Panting with the exertion from trying to hold me still, he gasps in my ear: "Mad..don't...make me...lock you in the damn..closet!" The threat of being detained sends me into another wave of hysteria. I slam my head back into his face and wrestle free from him. His lip split, he spits blood on the floor. "God DAMN it! Fine. Is this how it's gotta be? Come on, woman. Let's tango." He holds his arms out as thick, inch long claws sprout from each finger. His fangs seems sharper, his eyes more feral.
This beast may actually be a worthy opponent. He could very well kill me. Instead of being afraid, I hunger for the battle. I shout at him. "Go ahead, let's see it. Take me down!" Crazed laughter surrounds me.
There's my monster. 
Almost catching me off guard, he makes the first move. Slashing low, his claws catch me across my chest. Thin lines of blood seep through my shirt. The sight of it provokes me and I fly at him, grappling and gnashing my teeth. I get my fangs deep in his arm, grinding my jaws down until I taste blood. He snarls angrily, ripping his arm from my mouth and heaving me away. I stumble into the coffee table. Feigning weakness, I whimper, letting false fear cross my face. He approaches cautiously, but not cautious enough. I grab his forearms, pushing him against the table. He falls backward, bringing me with him as we smash into the glass top. Rolling through the blood spattered shards, I fight for control. His claws tear at me, giving him the upper hand. Slippery with blood, I manage to squirm out from under him.

Darting into the kitchen, I grab a large knife from the butcher's block and in one fluid movement duck behind the counter. His blood lust brings him in to the room. He sniffs the air for my scent, and before he can pinpoint my location I fling myself onto his back. Grabbing around his neck with one arm, I sink the knife into his side to the hilt. He shrieks like a wildcat and reaches behind him to throw me off his back. I hit the floor hard enough to shatter the tiles. He pulls the knife from his flesh, tossing it aside with a clatter. I swipe my hair out of my face as he pants animalistically. Simultaneously converging on each other again, we brawl for over an hour, tearing each other and the house apart in the process.

My thoughts are churning darkly. The battle is taking it's toll on me mentally as well as physically. I notice him altering his attacks, seeming to block my attempts, rather than injure me. Desperate and deranged, I shriek at him. "No! Don't stop, fight me back! Giving up...why..why do you always give up?" My voice is hysterical. "Why won't you kill me? How can I stop you if I can't kill you? Why won't you...stop...stop." Bloody tears are falling down my cheeks as I howl in frustration.
He drops his arms, straightening out of his predator's stance. "I'm not doing this anymore. Do your worst, darlin'. Let it out. I won't fight ya anymore." 
I wipe the blood from my face angrily and accost him, pummeling every inch of him I can reach. The pity on his face conflicts me more. I scream. "Why are you doing this? WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME? Just let me go! You've taken everything! Why won't you...he..why won't he..." I look up, finally seeing through the haze of madness. "He won't let me go." My body trembles uncontrollably, my walls threatening to crumble around me. Law puts his hands on my shoulders and when I try to pull away he tightens his arms around me in an embrace. "Please don't...don't...I can't. I'm too dangerous." I'm poison. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I curl into him and we sink into the carpet. He lets me cry and rave on his shoulder. As my sobs subside, I whisper apologies over and over. To Law. Myself. To the dead. To the people who will never hear it.
He rocks me gently and I hear his voice over my sorrow. "Oh, darlin'. What happened to you?" 
I turn my head, unable to handle the sympathetic look on his face. "Please don't ask that. Don't ever ask that."

We stay intertwined in each others arms amongst the wrecked debris of his furnishings until minutes before dawn. He doesn't speak when he lifts me into his arms, carrying me to his light safe bedroom. My face is impassive as he removes my shredded and stained clothing, slipping one of his clean t-shirts over my head. I stand by the bed unconsciously rocking back and forth on my heels as he removes his own clothes for a pair of sweatpants. A hint of weariness crosses his face as he climbs into the bed. Pulling me down next to him, I hesitate for the slightest moment before curling my body around his. He drapes an arm around me protectively when I nuzzle my face into his chest. He falls asleep instantly and after a bit I fight down my racing emotions and drift off.

I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I feel like choking, then holding. You're breaking the skin.

January of 1970

Six months ago, if someone had asked me if I could ever integrate with my own kind, let alone LIVE with them, I'd think they were crazier than I am. With my first experience with a Kindred being the horrendous fourteen months spent in my maker's clutches, I was half convinced they we're all as wicked as he. I lean against the rough bark of the tree I climbed up. With the surrounding woods and lake, theres no doubt a Gangrel would find this place an appropriate home. Law loves to be in the wilderness. Why he decided to disrupt the peace and tranquility of this place by invited a ticking time bomb Malkavian like myself is beyond me.

After the Woodstock incident, he somehow convinced me to join his small coven of friends. While he was optimistic about the idea, the other three had their misgivings. Understandably as I did try to rip Kat's face off in a drug/hysteria induced hallucination. She understood the situation but still treated me with a detached civility. Stella was still amiable enough. It was nearly impossible to tell how Shade felt about me, as he barely spoke for any extended duration. He warmed up enough to teach me some useful hand to hand combat skills. Although that might of been a tactic to size me up in case he ever need to take me out. Lawrence - Lord, he'd chew a hole through my chest if he heard me call him that - seemed to take a truly confounding liking to me. I could tell I wasn't the only one puzzled by that turn of events. How anyone could tolerate, let alone feel genial towards me...but Law sought out my friendship.

Our little five some lived together for about four months before it became readily apparent how much of a burden my presence was on the other Kindred. Between my viciousness with my kills, my choice in prey and the fact that I have a tendency to slip into dangerous hysterics every now and then, the inevitable happened.

I try not to pry, as easy as it is for me. My senses just happen to be more sharp than even the heightened sense of your average immortal. I could hear Kat and Law arguing inside the house.
"You must be as crazy as she is for bringing her to live here! She's a godamn menace. If she's not tearing up the house she's trying to destroy one of us in one of her delusions!"
I don't need to see Kat's face to know what it looks like, the mask she hides her true visage behind slipping in her agitation.
"And haven't I proven I can take care of that?! She hasn't laid a hand on you since August." Law retorts, his voice taking on the throaty growl that shows itself when he's roused.
I hear Stella pipe up, hesitant. "He does seem to have a fairly strong control on her, Kat.." 
"Oh, don't you stick up for that maniac.." Kat interrupts. "You're just as wary of her as I am. That right there is reason enough to toss her out, even Stell can't stand to be around her!" 
"For the love of...I never said I couldn't stand to be around her, Kat! Be a spiteful bitch all you want but don't put words into my mouth." Stella spits out angrily.
I hear Law snicker quietly as Kat huffs in indignation. "Y'know what -Lawrence-, we've been friends for a long time. Through thick and thin. This is a real fucking thin time. If she's not out of here...I am." 
I don't even need to hear Law's thoughts to know she's hurt him. He's told me plenty of details about their long standing friendship, and I know he wouldn't want to give that up. Ok, no big deal. I'll solve the problem for them. I'll just leave. I surprise myself with the bleakness I feel at that thought. I shake it off as I creep back inside the house to collect my few belongings. Sigh. Guess I should of know this wouldn't last. Not much can last the way I move through life like a human wrecking ball. I sling my bag over my shoulder and retreat to the back door. Although he wasn't there a moment ago, Shade sits in one of the easy chairs, looking at me without expression. Unsure what to say, I shrug and give him a sad half smile before exiting to the front lawn. That was easy enough, right? Impending loneliness creeps up on me, and I push the feeling away irately.

I'm not even at the end of the walkway when I feel Law's presence approaching. So much for easy. I turn to face him, eyebrow raised quizzically.
"Where do you think you're running off to?" 
I raise my eyebrow higher, giving him a skeptical look. I attempt a smile. "I'm not dumb, tiger boy."
He sighs. "Sorry ya had to hear that darlin'. Y'know Kat...she's uptight." 
"No, Law, she's right. I'm not really well equipped to be anyone's company for a extended amount of time. It's a wonder ya'll put up with me this long." 
I start to walk away again and he grabs my shoulder, quickly releasing his grasp when I turn back to him. "Sorry, I know you don't.." 
I interrupt him. "It's ok, you can...yeah. It's ok." 
"Don't leave, Mad. We can work something out, it'll just take time." 
I shake my head. Optimism won't get ya out of this one, boy. "Don't worry about working anything out. I'll just go, it's really not a big deal." 
"If it's not a big deal, I'll just...go with you." 
My mouth opens, about to shoot down that decidedly foolish idea when Kat's furious voice carries across the lawn. "What?! Are you kidding me? Have you honestly lost your mind, Law?!' 
"Kat, stay out of this. You've made your opinion perfectly clear, this doesn't need to turn into a huge fiasco." A fiasco it ends up, and I end up plopping down in the grass as Law and Kat verbally duke it out. More than once, I wonder why I don't just up and leave.

Eventually they both run out of steam as Law heads into the house to grab his possessions. With a vague threat of dismemberment he warns me not to take off. In a last ditch effort to mend fences, he knocks on Kat's closed bedroom door. "Kat, c'mon. At least say bye to me, I don't want to end this on bad terms. C'mon Kitty. Don't be like this." 
Stella rolls her eyes derisively. "She can be such a bitch.." To my surprise, Stella pulls me into a hug. "Sorry bout all this. Make sure he keeps in touch." After a moment she smiles warmly at me. "You keep in touch too." I give her a puzzled smile. When Law trudges back into the room she embraces him with a goodbye and well wishes.
Shade gets up from the easy chair and shakes Law's hand. With a steady gaze at me, he tells Law in his quiet baritone: "Take care of that one." Huh. I guess that's a sign of affection? So we depart, and instead of taking off and seeking shelter on my own, I've got a personal Gangrel bodyguard.

I stare up at the moon from my perch, feeling pensive. I glance down to see Law loping towards my tree, back from his hunt. In one of his eerily graceful movements, he climbs up effortlessly to roost on the branch next to me. I already ate, but the residual smell of blood on his breath still entices a stirring in my gut. "Good dinner?" 
He licks his claws with a grin. "Probably not as tenderized as yours, but still satisfying." We both laugh before lapsing into companionable silence. Intentionally he breaks the silence. "This tree bark is really chafing my ass..." I dissolve into hearty laughter to the point of almost toppling out of the tree. He scoots closer, putting an arm around my shoulders, steadying me. "Careful darlin' don't laugh yourself into a torpor." When I get my giggles under control he starts to lift his arm from my shoulder. I surprise us both by reaching my hand up to grasp his, preventing it's removal. I can feel his pleased astonishment when I lean into him, idly toying with his dark hair. My acute hearing picks up a rumbling from his chest.
"Are you...purring?" 
He scoffs. "Pfft, me? No. You're obviously having a delusion or something..." He chuckles, and the deep sound continues to emanate from him. The sound is oddly comforting, bringing a rare smile of contentment to my face. Oh, dear Maddie. What are you getting yourself into...

Someone is countin' your days, and somebody got to keep track of your mind. When everything turns out gloomy.

August of 1969. Bethel, New York.

The steady rain has tapered off to a light drizzle. Despite the wet weather, the night is alive with activity. Where the hell are all these people going? Led by my senses, I'm following a group of dirty looking hippies through the snarl of traffic. Wherever they're going, wherever I'M going...it smells amazing. When I come down a dirt road and set eyes on the jam-packed field. Dear god! Thousands, tens of thousands of walking blood bags. I'm almost spellbound by all the sights, sounds...and smells. Oh, the smell of so many meals! The massive throng of humans seem to be centered around a brightly lit stage. Banners hang everywhere. 3 Days of Peace & Music. Woodstock Music & Arts Fair Present An Aquarian Exposition. I'm instantly enthralled. Even from the road, I hear a man singing from the stage:

 "Mississippi Queen, If you know what I mean
Mississippi Queen, She taught me everything."

I clap my hands and laugh aloud. This is perfect! Live music...and an all you can eat buffet! I slosh through the mud, intermingling with the crowd. Nodding along with the music, my eyes rake hungrily over the crowd of bodies. Men and women in various states of undress. Damp and sweaty and delicious. I escape notice with a bit of effort until I catch sight of a group of people classy enough to stand out in the clusters of flower children. The quartet is staring at me with a faint curiosity. I focus my senses, honing in on them. My head tilts to the side, scrutinizing their auras. Oh! They're...like me. Other Kindred! Eager to rendezvous with my own kind I traipse over to them. "Hi! I don't get to meet other dead'uns often. I'm Madelyn...isn't this great?" I laugh at the over eagerness in my voice.
The other vampires stare at me, affronted, until the perceivable leader reluctantly sticks a hand out to me. "I'm Susanna Rockefeller, and this is my family." She waves a hand to the other three Kindred, but doesn't introduce them.
"So, do you and your..eh..family do stuff like this often?" I catch one of the other vampires rolling his eyes. My smile fades a bit, sensing the indignation, and puzzling over it.
After a beat, the female responds. "My clan is devoted to the arts. Naturally, we would be drawn to a performance such as this. Despite the...unsavory company." Her companions snicker.
I keep the smile pasted on my face, ashamed of my desperation. "And what..um..what clan are you?" 
A throaty males voice comes from behind me. "Toreador, can't ya tell? Bunch of pompous degenerates..." 
The quartet turn their noses up almost in unison, the female replying: "Better a degenerate than a filthy mutt." 
The newcomer laughs heartily. Speaking to me, he asks: "And what clan are you, darlin'?" 
I turn to face him, briefly taken aback by his bright yellow eyes. "...Malkavian." I mumble. His slit-like pupils dilate as he gives me a toothy smile. I hear the haughty woman sigh.
"I believe this is our cue to part ways." The well dressed group strides away quickly. I narrow my eyes, distressed by the less-than-friendly encounter. The yellow eyed man puts an arm around me companionably. "Don't ya worry about them. Pretentious dicks. You're Madelyn, I heard. The name's Lawrence, but you'll call me Law if ya wanna stay on my good side."
I smirk at him. "As I've already scared off one group of Kin, I'll call you Law. And if YOU want to stay on MY good side, you won't call me Maddie." 
"Fair enough, m'am." He tips an invisible hat to me, and we both laugh. "Come meet my coterie of miscreants." he says, and leads me to the other side of the field.

He informs me proudly that he's a Gangrel. His coterie consists of two other Gangrel, and a Nosferatu. I'm shocked to meet the Nos, who introduces herself as Kat, and is strikingly beautiful. From the little I've learned of the Nosferatu, they're all supposedly afflicted with hideous deformities. Kat explains how she wears the Mask of herself before she was Embraced. She briefly lets her false facade drop, displaying a visage deeply pockmarked with pits and sores, and other nauseating flaws. Wearing the beautiful face again, she grins at me good natured. "If you looked like that, wouldn't you hide behind a mask, too?" I bite my tongue, keeping hold of my tact.
"That's ok.." Law responds. "..we've all got our quirks don't we?" He smiles his fangy grin and pulls the back of his pants down enough so that I see a bit of striped fur. He wiggles thick black claws at me and laughs. "Ooh, and feel this." He grabs my hand, pulling it to his mouth. Running his tongue along my palm, I feel the rough abrasion, similar to a cats tongue. "It's safe to say I'm a tiger in the sack..." The group breaks into whoops of laughter. I join in, the levity of my companions putting me at ease. The other Gangrel introduce themselves as Shade and Stella. The latter being a forked tongued blond whose voice and posture make me curious as to what other serpent-like qualities she inherited. Shade is a large, dark skinned, imposing figure who speaks in a whisper so conflicting to his appearance that I can't help but be intrigued by the few words he says. The small coven accepts me into their company amiably.
"Have you eaten tonight, Madelyn?" Stella asks, with a wicked smile.
I look around the crowd, licking my lips. "Not...yet." 
She grins and rubs her hands together conspiratorially. "A hunting we will go, friends?" 
Law cuts in. "Uhn uh. Reel in your beasts, ladies. We've gotta catch Creedence first...then it's chow time." 
My eyes light up. "Creedence?! Oooh, even I can contain my blood lust until then!" My comment spurs another wave of humor. Within a half hour, Creedence Clearwater Revival is crooning Down on the Corner and Born on the Bayou. We dance wildly among the unaware Kine. Our antics drawing no extra attention from the unconcerned hippies.

Janis Joplin takes the stage, and even the sounds of Take Another Little Piece of My Heart can't distract the overwhelming need for fresh blood. We head towards a darker section of the field, each scoping our potential prey even as Kat and I unconsciously dance our way through the crowd. Law spots his meal first and lopes gracefully towards the young woman. I pinpoint an inebriated couple sneaking off behind a tent and go into predator mode. "Ooh, those two look delicious. Enjoy, Maddie." 
I growl over my shoulder at Kat, who chuckles nervously. "Don't call me that." 
She spreads her hands apologetically before approaching a shirtless man tromping barefoot through the mud. I follow my couple around the tent, where they latch onto each other like mollusks. When I step in front of the, they pause their kiss. "Mmm, hey cutie. Wanna taste?" The woman slurs at me, reaching out to caress my shoulder.
I curve my lips into what I hope is a seductive smile and take her hand. Glancing at the boyfriend, I ask: "You sure three's not a crowd?" He blinks slowly, staring like he's entranced.
"Three's company, right?" Actually two's company, but who am I to argue? The woman pulls me in between them, and my lips meet hers in a sloppy but sensual kiss. Boyfriend's hands creep around, grazing my breasts as he covers my neck with licks and nibbles. Tracing my hand up the woman's stomach, across her chest and around to the base of her neck, gripping it lightly as I explore the soft confines of her mouth with mine. I break our lips contact and bring the man's hand up to my mouth, running my tongue along his index finger before pushing it between the woman's lips. She sucks the digit eagerly as I trail kisses along her neck. She emits a deep moan when I sink my fangs into her yielding flesh. I catch myself expelling a noise of my own as I swallow down her life's blood. It coats my throat like syrup and I drink until she slips from my grasp. I move quickly, before the man can react. Spinning around to face him, I twist my foot around his ankle, pulling so he drops back into the mud. Whether dazed from pleasure or just plain intoxicated, he doesn't react when I hike his pants around his ankles and bite deeply into his thigh, sighing when the femoral artery lets loose it's gush of vitae. After a moment or two of vigorous feeding, I detach myself from him. His heart still beats, distractingly loud, so I snap his neck. The sharp crack seems to echo in the air. I wipe my mouth on his damp shirt and rise from the dirt. My head spins a little. Mmm...wow, either I overindulged or flower child blood is extra potent. I linger by the tent for another moment, staring at the smears of mud on my skirt. It looks like clouds. Or...a Rorschach inkblot. 
"Ehehe, what do you see Herr Doctor?" Shaking my head ruefully, I head back into the crowd.

The rain starts up again, and I find myself twirling around with a handful of smelly Kine decked in tie dye. The colors seem to be dripping off their clothes, leaving them in pure white garments. I hear the band on stage singing. 
"Dance to the music! Dance to the music! Turn the white clothes red! Bleed them out!"
That...doesn't sound like Sly and the Family Stone. I shrug. Well, ya can't argue with a classic. I grab the nearest lily white dancer and pull my arm back to thrust it through his chest when a pair of clawed, calloused hands grasp mine. I let the human go and bring the claws in my line of sight. A ruby red semi dried drop of blood rests along the curve of the dark nail. I dart my tongue out and lick it off. In that tiny drop of blood I'm lost in a cavalcade of memories. Whoever the blood belonged to, I see their past. Their future, blank. Their present, lying under an abandoned truck, hidden behind the tire. Law pulls me from the dancing group as I flip through the thoughts of his deceased prey. "Law, this is...awesome. I can see...all this stuff!" 
The tiger laughs. "Looks like your dinner came with a added bonus." 
"Hmmm?" I respond, distracted by the flowing lights emitting from the band on stage. Was the stage that tall when I got here? It seems to tower over the throng, the performers on a pedestal. Held high above the undulating crowd. 
"Acid, darlin'. You're tripping. One of the hazards of feeding off a hippy." 
I try to absorb his words. Acid? That's a...hallucinogen. "A schizophrenic Malkavian on hallucinogens? Oooo..errr." Did I say that out loud? Law wraps his arm around my waist, steadying me as we reconnect with the group.

Shade glances up at our arrival, eyebrow raised questioningly. "Button, button, Madelyns got a button." I say in a sing song tune. 
Law chuckles. "Our newbie got her first taste of an acid addled hippy." 
Shade nods and responds in his quiet voice. "So did Stell." 
Stella giggles waving her hand in front of her slowly. "Sssshade. So quiet, it's worth a million to hear you ssspeak." Her words are so smooth as they slither from her mouth. I watch in amazement until each word grows fangs. They drip with venom and I whimper quietly, ducking behind Law. 
He takes my hand reassuringly. "We're gonna have our hands full with you until this is over, aren't we?" 
Kat appears from nowhere, startling Stella out of her daze. Stella's gets to her feet in a smooth maneuver that leaves me awed. She hisses gently in the Nosferatu's direction. "Give someone a heads up before you pop in and out of existence, bitch." Kat laughs and grabs Stella around the waist. The two start dancing, and I'm entranced by the effortless way Stella's body moves. The word 'serpentine' appropriately comes to mind. I drift away from Law, captivated and joining the girls in their dance. Stella runs her hand through my hair, flicking her tongue at me seductively.
I hear Kat's giggle, close to my ear, sending a shiver through me. "Trying to corrupt the new recruit already, Stell?" Stella just smiles in response, undulating her body against mine.
Law mumbles from the sidelines, "Good god, you girls are killing me..." 
Stella replies, "Mmm, you know there's more than one way to unleash the beast, right ladies?" The three of us pull closer, Kat and Stella sandwiching me between them. Stella surprises me, pressing her oddly rough lips against my own. When the initial shock wears off, I relax, returning the kiss. Her forked tongue flicks against mine in a curious sensation.
Kat bites gently on my ear from behind, whispering, "How 'bout it? Wanna let out your inner monster?" At the sound of the last word, my body stiffens. Unanticipated, I feel a mental tornado touch down in my psyche.

"Monster, my monster." The derisive sound of his voice as he cuts me. Slices me open. His monstrous actions building up a vicious beast inside of me. His monster.

I turn on the mocking creature behind me. Clawing at it's face, I clutch my hands around it's throat. It's when my thumbs start to puncture the windpipe that I'm pulled roughly away. I shriek like a banshee, fighting an iron grip. Kat Kat? No, I thought.. lays on the ground, holding a hand over her bleeding face and coughing. "What the FUCK is wrong with you?!" She leaps up, coming at me.
The grip on my arms relents for a moment to knock her back. A deep growl of a voice behind me commands, "Shade, hold her back." 
The dark skinned man restrains her. Her beautiful visage slips in her anger, revealing the hideous face underneath. "She just attacked me for no reason!" 
When the voice behind me speaks again, I recognize it at Law. "She's a Malk, you idiot!" I'm whimpering to myself as he orders the other three back to their shared haven. "Go! Go back the the haven. Get out of here before one of the few sober people here notice what the hell's going on."
Shade retreats briskly, dragging Kat with him. Stella hesitates. "Law, what are you going to do with her? How do you know she's not going to kill you? She's obviously unstable.."
I growl at her words, sensing veiled threats in my twisted mind. "Just go for Christ's sake. Ya'll act like I can't take care of myself." She shakes her head but slinks off. I see all the crowd clearly now. They all smile at me knowingly. They know. They know who am I. They know WHAT I am. I've got to...kill them. If I kill them all they can't hurt me anymore! I strain in Law's clawed grasp. "You stop that." He growls in my ear, pulling me away from the crowd, back in the dark between two empty tents. I feel myself starting to spiral into a frenzy when he grabs my face, pulling it to his. "Madelyn. Look at me! Look in my eyes." He grabs a handful of my hair, halting my frantic escape attempts. "STOP. I don't want to hurt you." I glare into his cat-like eyes, sneering in petulance until Law's voice reaches through.

"Madelyn. Be still. You're safe. Calm yourself. Just listen to my voice and everything will be alright. Safe. Let the frenzy go. Let it go."

The tenor of his words are soothing. I feel the emphasis of each syllable washing over me. And...it starts to work. The beast that pulls the strings inside of me stops it's roaring. My brain seems to halt the screaming hysteria. Law keeps talking as I relax in his hold. How is he doing this? In my relaxation, the voices recede to a dull murmur. When I finally regain significant control of myself, I  place my hands on Law's chest, gently pushing him out of the close proximity. "How...did you do that?" 
He grins his sharp grin. "Lot's of practice, darlin'. Spent a lot of time with a lot of hot-headed Gangrel. It helps in keeping everyone from tearing each other apart." 
I wrap my arms around myself, shaken and embarrassed at my lack of control. "Well I guess I should thank you. So. Thank you." I turn and abruptly start walking away.
"Hey!" He follows after me, grabbing my arm. I pull away with a grimace, observing the brief look of hurt on his face. What does he want? I just want to get out of here before I get myself in another dire situation. "Where are you going? You know sunrise is in about 45 minutes." Damn it. He's right. 
"I'll find a place...um...somewhere." I respond back, lamely.
He starts to reach for my hand, but perhaps remembering my rebuff, lets his fall back to his side. "I've got a place nearby. It's safe. You've still got that shit in your system, so there's no telling what you could get into if you're alone." 
Before I can stop myself, I ask: "What do you care?" 
He studies me for a moment. "Who said I do? Now come on." And I'm following him out of the field of Kine, still oblivious to the monsters in their midst. "Aw, damn. We're gonna miss Hendrix. Of all the luck.." I don't reply. As we walk, I concentrate, perusing his thoughts. His concern in genuine. He doesn't fear me. Isn't sickened by me. I'm so baffled by the purity of his emotions. Pulling back into my own miserable head, we head to his makeshift shelter. We're well unexposed by the time the sun rises. For the first night in awhile my thoughts seem to be near coherent as I fall into my day sleep, and I almost feel safe.