There's nothing left to lose. The fight never ends. I can't face the dark without you.

Hood pulled over my hair, I make my way through the empty street towards the dark and currently vacant club. Passing by the front doors, I pause, remembering the security measures. I contemplate, picking lightly at the front of my sweatshirt before guilt wins over as the predominant emotion. My hand drops to my side and I move towards the garage entrance. A single car is parked at the far end of the garage. Abandoned, by the look of it. I move towards the entrance, punching in a code and quickly swinging the door shut behind me as I enter the living quarters of the club. It's the same as it always is, except empty and devoid of comfort.

I breathe in through my nose, inhaling only a faint residual scent of my best friend. Frowning, I reach behind my back. The blade becomes visible as I place my hand on the hilt, pulling it free from the harness and relieving myself of it's weight. Swinging it in front of me, the blade makes a shrill sound as it briskly cuts through the air. With a sigh, I lay the sword on a table, stroking my hand over the metal. It's perfect. Beautiful, even. But Sailix's hand should be gripping it's hilt, not mine. I stare down at the weapon, swallowing the lump in my throat and standing, useless, in the middle of the room. I did what I came for, I should just go. 

Instead, I unzip my hoodie, pulling it off and tossing it across a chair. Settling down on the couch, I tuck my hands under my thighs in a meager attempt to avoid them turning against me.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sailix."

The sound of my own voice makes me jump. Peering around the room, I sigh again.
"We'll be making our move, soon." Fighting to keep the sorrow from my tone, I continue speaking to no one.

"I've never been out of the country. It'd be exciting if I wasn't so sure that I'm going to fucking die over there..." My brief burst of laughter sounds more like a sob.
"I could really use...I really need your help. I told you I can't do this without you. I'm running out of reasons to try. I'm about to walk into a war zone and I...I always thought you'd have my back."

I curl my shoulders in, cowering as my voice grows more frantic.

"All I have is Tommy. I know he can survive without me, but I think we all know I can't survive without him. So I'm going to go over there...I'm going to fight for him. I'm going to fight to keep him alive but who is fighting to keep me alive? Who...who cares enough to have my back?! Who cares enough to make sure -I- stay alive?!"

The tears start, again. I almost bruise my face, angrily wiping the moisture from my cheeks.
"I let you in. I showed you my scars and you said...you said they were beautiful. But you chose him over me! As if...like he's less of a monster than me. Like he's the preferable option."

My wail echoes in the empty room, even as I bury my face in my hands. All I can see is Sailix's eyes, burning into mine like a literal fire. I feel them on me, but when I look up, vision blurred with red tears, I'm still alone. I wipe at my face again, halfheartedly, before rising from the couch. Leaving the sword on the table, I make my way towards the exit, pausing for a moment. My hand creeps to my throat, rubbing the tag on my collar between my fingers. I turn my face up, setting eyes on the security camera facing the door. Staring at it for a moment, I struggle to keep my tone and expression calm and even. 

"You don't have to lie to me."

With that, I swing the door open, punching the code to lock it and stepping out into the cold.

https://youtu.be/BjrtITY69q0