Hard and silent but, softy breaking. No beloved to comfort me.

I don't realize that I'm already home until I trip on the front steps. My already scraped up shins bang against the porch. Unconcerned, I move to a sitting position and lean against the rail, wincing as the engine shaped burn on my back presses into the wood. After a few minutes, I head Gadzooks' small whine, and the sound of her pawing at the door. Everything else in the house is quiet. Everyone else. I squeeze my eyes shut, hands held limp at my sides.

"..Ms. DeWittier.."
"...she's a guard dog.."

Never have I ever felt such dread from my name on someone's lips. I move my arms around myself, holding tightly to try to control my shakes. He knows my name. He can call me to him...he can control me. I ignore Gadzooks' more persistent whimpers. No. No, he can't. I'm not dead, I'm not a ghost. My jaw clenches shut like my eyes. But he can call me to him. Like he did with Tommy. Like he did with Sailix. My minor wounds are nothing compared to the ache in my heart.

"God dammit Madelyn, come down from your high horse!"

I still smell Sailix's blood on my claws, but any anger I mustered against him is long gone. Replaced by hurt, by loneliness, by betrayal. My hands, clamped into fists at my sides, long to turn on me. To bring to the surface enough physical pain to distract me from the war in my head. I want Tommy to wake up. I need his guidance. His punishment.

"Thomas is ours."

The voice is so real that I leap from the porch, nearly barreling Gadzooks over as I rush into the house. I dart upstairs and into the bedroom. Tommy still lies in the same position I left him in when night fell. His chest slightly more healed, his expression blank. I silently curse the tears that escape, wondering how there can even be any left in me. Pressing my hands against my chest, I move to his side of the bed. "I...I love you Tommy." My tears spot his cheek as I bend forward and kiss his unresponsive lips. The smell of his blood makes my mouth water, and I quickly turn away, wrapping my arms around myself again. I want so badly for it to be someone else's arms around me, but there's no one. Nothing. Just like I deserve. I'm so tired.

I take off my filthy, torn up hoodie and toss it onto the bathroom floor. Gadzooks yips and jumps on me, desperate for my attention. I kneel to pick her up, but stop in mid motion. The dog's innocent eyes stare up at me with adoration, but it repels me instead of engaging me. She only loves me because she has to. Because my blood runs in her veins. Even that fact doesn't make me feel any less guilty as I shoo her gently from the bathroom, closing the door on her confused face. She whimpers by the door, and it presses against the frame slightly as she lays down in the hallway. Averting my eyes from the mirror as I pass, I crawl into the bathtub, curling into a ball at the bottom of the cold porcelain. Before sleep takes over, I slip one of my socks off, stuffing it between my jaws, hoping the gag is enough to muffle the screams from my inevitable nightmares.

https://youtu.be/XNot0KYfMJA