It's about an hour after sundown, and I'm once more outside of St. Leo's in Little Italy. Brow furrowed, rolling my cell nervously between my hands, I stare up at the church. Light radiates from the stained glass windows, but no cars are parked in the gated lot. I give my cell one last squeeze, before pushing it down into the top of my boot. Climbing the stairs, I breathe in the almost oppressively strong scent of floor wax. The faint sound of music, and some sort of rhythmic scratching comes from the perimeter of the door. I grip the door handle, stroking my thumb over the cool metal before pulling the door open and stepping within the church.
I blink a few times, confused. The room is clear, the pews pushed to the side walls and the wooden floor is shining with wax. The Bee Gees croon Tragedy from large speakers on the altar. The strange scraping sound grows louder as Tommy glides out from the rear of the church on a pair of quad skates. My mouth drops open in shock, the distress and guilt melting away as I set eyes on this almost delightful sight. Covering my smile with one hand, I make my way to Tommy as he waves me over. He rolls up to meet me, kissing my cheek with cold lips as he passes. I drop my hand, wide eyed and smiling at Tommy. "I didn't know that you could skate."
Tommy spins to a stop, his wheels scraping against the floor. "I didn't know you were coming, or else I would have cleaned."
My smile falters a bit. "That's...you don't have to worry about stuff like that. I didn't mean to impose, or anything."
Tommy offers his own smile. "You're not imposing, my little love. Take a seat in the lounge, I'll be by in a moment."
"OK." Remembering why I came here, my gleeful expression dissipates. I blink a few times before heading towards the lounge as Tommy directed. The sound of wheels rolling across wood continues for a few minutes after I perch on a small love seat.
The sound stops, and Tommy enters the lounge in his socks, retrieving his loafers from under a chair. He places the shoes in my lap, before taking a seat next to me. "Untie these for me, little one." I begin picking the knots apart, loosening the laces as Tommy sets his right foot against my thigh. Without looking at him, I put the shoes to the side and slightly push his pant leg up to adjust his sock. Retrieving the right shoe, I slide it onto his foot, straightening the tongue and tying the laces snug against the top of his foot. Tommy, with an expression of pride and comfort on his countenance, replaces his right foot with the left. "Thank you, little one." I repeat the process, smoothing his pant leg down and meeting his eyes. His gaze is one of compassion and amusement as he retrieves his foot.
Rising to his feet, he snaps his fingers. "Come, little one. We have a trip to take."
My hand sneaks to my pocket, clenching obsessively around my cell phone. "A trip?"
"Yes, my dear. First, we need to get you changed into your traveling clothes. Come."
I hesitate, leaning forward slightly in my seat."Where are we going?" I fail to hide the worry in my tone.
"Come." Tommy repeats, reaching into his inner-coat pocket for a disc of dry cologne. "I will give you your medicine when we get back home."
I take my hand from my pocket, folding both of them into my lap. I unconsciously cringe from the flippancy in my voice. "Would it kill you to just answer a question?"
Tommy stares down at me, as if I were a vaguely interesting item or creature. Casually, he presses the glass pot of cologne hard against my forehead. I flinch, pulling my head away and dropping my eyes. He begins to walk away, his tone bland. "Come," he repeats.
I stand and follow him with dragging feet, ashamed of myself. Tommy whistles to himself as he pulls a bag from under the altar. I watch him, speaking more to myself than to Tommy. "...I can't be alone anymore."
He ignores my statement and motions towards the altar. "I believe you remember the moves to the dance, little one." Tired, weak and frightened, I silently beg Tommy with my eyes. He walks around me, smacking my behind hard enough to make me stumble. My hands move to remove my clothing, my eyes dropping to the ground. "No!" He smacks me again. "Bad!" His hand meets its mark a third time before he continues, "You will get up on the altar and I will remove your clothing. I will then dress you, if you are good enough to deserve clothing. Then we will go out."
"I'm sorry, Tommy.." I step away from him, and lifting myself onto the altar.
"It's alright, little one." He states, placing the bag on the ground.
After stretching, popping his joints and cracking his back, Tommy begins untying my boots. "I know that you don't know any better. We'll be working on that later tonight."I chew my lip, my hand stealing to the pocket in my skirt once more. "It's been a rough week." I reply, tentatively.
"I'm sorry, little one. You're alright now, my dear." His tone is paternal as he pulls the boot off my foot. He removes my other boot and looks to my hand as I remove the phone from my pocket, squeezing it compulsively. "Does my little one have a bauble?"
I open my hand, showing him the small, outdated flip phone. "I...I have to.." I look to the device and whisper, "Alex is away and I need to be able to.."
He reaches for the bottom of my shirt. "I don't think your new clothes have pockets."
I chew the inside of my cheek and meet Tommy's eyes. "Could you hold it for me? Please?" My voice is pleading and appeasing. "Please, sir?"
"Yes, little one." He holds his hand out for the phone, the other hand still gripping the bottom of my shirt. I place the phone into his hand and press a soft kiss on his mouth. Tommy smiles, "Arms up, little one." I comply immediately, raising my arms, my eyes following his movements as he tucks the phone into his suit pocket. I don't move or flinch as he pulls my shirt up and off my body. The neck of the shirt musses my hair, but I keep my arms up, eager to please. Tommy gives me a look of approval. "Very good girl." His finger presses against my stomach, tracing down to the hem of my skirt. "You can place your arms down, Madelyn."
I lower my arms and sweep my hair from my face. "Thank you, sir."
Tommy's eyes are on my bra as he comments, "I'm glad that you're preserving your modesty." His hands move to unzip my skirt. "Lift yourself, unless you don't know if you can, little one." I press my palms to the altar, lifting myself slightly as he pulls my skirt and underwear to my ankles. "Very good, my little dear."
I set myself back down, speaking in a quiet tone. "Tommy?"
He shushes me, directing me to turn as he pulls the garments from my ankles. Again, I comply, and he unclasps my bra, pulling it off my shoulders. I say his name again, my eyes on my feet. He places a finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. "Yes, little one?"
"You...you love me?"
He tosses the bra to the side. "I do, my little dear."
My eyes are wide as I meet his gaze. "And...you won't ever leave me?" My lip trembles slightly.
Tommy's expression becomes one of pity and worry. "I never have, little one. I never will."
I swallow, hard in my throat, dropping my head so my face is obscured. "He said he'd come back. He said he'd be back the next night and it's now and I've been alone this whole time..."
Tommy reaches into his coat pocket briefly, before picking me up to his chest, wrapping my legs around his waist. "I'm here, little one. You're never alone."
Noticing his hand, my expression grows panicked. I cling to him, near tears. "Tommy...what did you? Please don't. I have to be able to know he's alright.."
Tommy makes a shushing sound, subtly pressing his groin against me. "It's still on, little one. I won't let you be alone."
I hold tightly to him, resting my head on his shoulder. My mouth brushes Tommy's neck as I whisper, "Do you promise?"
"I do, little one." He holds me, gently grasping my thighs with his hands, keeping me flush against him. "I don't like lying to my little girl."
"Not liking something, and not doing something, are two different things." I kiss his neck, gently. "I trust you." I fear my voice betrays my disbelief in my own words, but Tommy doesn't comment.
Tommy lightly drops me back on the altar, then retrieves the phone from his pocket. He places it next to my bare thighs, a small light proving it's active status. "Are you ready for our trip, little one?"
I glance at the device, pleased, before taking note of my nudity. "Are you going to dress me, first?"
Tommy pulls the bag up, setting it on the altar next to me. "Not, yet. Once again, I find myself needing to bathe you and otherwise alter your state of grooming." He chuckles, lightly placing his hand between my legs. "Will my little girl let me bathe her?"
I drop my eyes, shamed. "If...if you feel like I need to be more presentable." My hand rises to twist a hank of my hair between my fingers.
Tommy replies, in a reassuring tone, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, little one. You couldn't have know that I needed you clean for tonight." He places his arm under my knees, and the other arm behind me. "Are you ready?"
I drop my hand from my hair and reply, "Yes, sir."
Easily picking me up, Tommy carries me into his quarters, then into the restroom. He immediately lays me down into the cold porcelain of the tub. I look up at him warily, as he takes off his coat, his tie, and his shirt. Then, he turns on the hot water. "Would you like me to shave you, or does my little girl know how?"
I pull my feet up towards my body, hiding my nudity. "Shave? Do you want me to...everything?"
"Just your princess parts, little one." Tommy retrieves his own phone from his pocket.
At his childish reference, my eyebrow quirks up, and similarly, the corner of my mouth. I drop my eyes, a dull and tired humor in my response. "I can do that."
"Good girl." Thomas places his phone up to his face and begins playing music.
I adjust myself in the tub so that I'm kneeling in the steadily rising water. Taking the razor from Tommy, I pointedly avoid his eyes while carefully shaving away the hair in between my legs. Tommy keeps the phone level, then asks, "Are you excited about our night out?" I still don't look at him, simply continuing the process. I quietly finish removing the hair from my pubic area, setting the razor on the lip of the tub and lowering myself so that my bottom rests on my ankles. Tommy turns off the music and sits the phone on the tiled floor. With a gentle hand ,he lathers soap and begins cleaning my back. "We're going out tonight, my Madelyn. There's a place that I think you'll enjoy seeing while I give you your lesson."
I lean forward, still on my knees, allowing him better access to my back. My lips turn up into a small smile as I reminisce on the scout camp we visited a month or so back."Oh? I...I liked the last place you took me."
"I'm glad. I like to think that you don't just deserve pain, little one. You and I are entitled to distractions." Tommy presses hard on my back, and I close my eyes as he massages as he cleans. "I want you clean, Madelyn. I want you to feel safe." He cleans my shoulders and stops the flowing water.
"I feel safe...with you." I open my eyes, turning my face towards him. "Which is probably stupid."
I'm shocked by the change in Tommy's expression. Blood wells up in his eyes, and he turns away from me, wiping the soap suds off onto his slacks. My head cocks to the side, and I reach for him as he turns away. "Tommy, what did I...I'm sorry?"
He shrugs off my touch, visibly trembling as he collects his clothing. "Just finish cleaning yourself, little one. I'm sorry-" he breathes, then continues, "I'll dress you when you're done."
"Wait...no." I stand in the tub, the warm, soapy water dripping off my bare form. "I didn't mean to upset you, please...please don't leave me."
Tommy wipes his face on his tie before turning back to look at me. With a voice still bearing trembles and quakes, he responds with an affirmative sound and returns to the side of the tub. He turns the water back on, turning on the shower head. "Do you mind if I join you, little one?" His chest is covered in small suds, his eyes still bearing streaks of dried blood in their periphery.
"I'd like that," I reply, my tone light and appeasing. He begins to unbutton his slacks and I reach forward to gently place my hands at his waistband. "I can help?" My desperation to please him, to distract him from his tears, is obvious.
"Yes, little one. You may." Tommy slides off the shoes so expertly tied and slips off his socks. I lean forward and pull him closer. My eyes stay on his as I unzip his pants and push them off his hips. He steps from the pants, and into the ankles-deep water. "Thank you, my little dear." He smiles and kisses my forehead. Chewing my lip, I rise on my toes so that my face is close to his. Placing a hand on each side of his jaw, I brush my tongue against Tommy's flesh, tasting the dried tears on his cheeks. He reaches up to turn the shower head towards our faces, attempting a playful smile.
I settle back onto my heels, pushing my wet hair from my face, concerned. "Tommy...sir? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, little one. I just haven't been persuasive enough. I want you to feel at home with me, in your natural state."
"Oh." I drop my gaze, feeling guilty. "It's not your fault. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of...of lots of things."
Tommy kisses my head again. "The world can be terrifying, my dear. When you're with me, however, you're the only thing worth fearing."
I stand flush against Tommy, my palms flat on his stomach, my forehead resting on his chest. "I'd like to not be afraid of anything."
He kisses the top of head again, breathing deeply, as if to memorize my scent. "The only way would be to accept what you are, Madelyn. Until then, you'll always be afraid of what you could do to those you love."
I turn my gaze up to his face, still pressed closely. "You'll teach me? Teach me to be better?"
A smile pulls the corner of his lip taut. "If you wish, little one. We'll continue tonight, once you're all clean."
I study his face, my own expression slightly concerned. Stepping away from him, I rest my arms at my sides. "Do you want to finish cleaning me, sir?"
Tommy retrieves the bar of soap, lathering it between his palms. Despite his cordial, nearly paternal tone, his cock stiffens against his thigh. "Face away from me, Madelyn. We'll finish this quickly and get you to your lesson."
My eyes fall below his waist, and I attempt to hide my embarrassed expression. Turning away from him, I twist my wet hair into a tail, pulling it over my shoulder to allow Tommy full access to my back and shoulders. Tommy massages me with the soap, starting at my back and moving to my hips. As his hands move down to my backside, he states, "Arms out and legs open, little one." I comply, spreading my feet as far as the confine of the tub allows. He liberally applies soap between my thighs and under my arms, but doesn't spend overlong in either area. His voice commands from behind me, "Rinse." I step closer to the shower head, thoroughly rinsing the front of my body. When I turn to face him, his expression seems etched with hunger. Nervously, I lean my head back, closing my eyes as I rinse the soap from my back and hair. Tommy's voice sounds unsteady as he directs me to exit the tub and begin drying myself. I open my eyes, curiously studying him as the water continues to stream down my body. He repeats the command, almost angrily, and I move past him to exit the tub. Tommy begins to rinse himself briskly, and I chew my lip as I retrieve a towel and pat myself dry. He shuts the water off, and I wrap the towel around myself, watching Tommy as he brushes past me, and into his bedroom.
Fidgeting from foot to foot, I try to keep the concern from my expression as Tommy returns with the bag from the altar. "Are you quite well, little one?"
I hold the towel to my chest, glancing at the bag. "I'm OK..." My tone is timid as I continue, "I haven't done anything wrong, have I?"
He withdraws a black fabric from the bag, a dress, and lays it on the bed. "No, little one. You've been very good tonight, so your lesson is going to be quite easy."
I smile, tentatively. "Thank you, sir. I..." I pause, "..I want to be good for you."
Thomas returns the smile, then lays out a complete outfit on the bed. "I know you do, little one. I think you'll learn quite a bit tonight. We're going to a funeral."
My brow furrows. "A funeral? Why?"
"To commit a murder. Now get dressed, my little dear. If you delay, your punishment might come, after all."
Taken aback, I reply, "A murder at a funeral? That seems redundant..."
Tommy turns his back to enter his walk-in-closet. From the inside, he projects, "The killer will be at the funeral. They confessed as much to me during their attempts to gain penance from God. Luckily, I don't let others off the hook so easily as the Christian God."
"Does that...bother you? Someone murdering another person?"
"Not typically. I think it was in the way that the person did it. Who they did it to, how they did it. I know that you and I are blights on the world-" his voice is cut off by the sound of a shirt being pulled over his head, "but we should feel free to use our nature to it's best possible purpose." Tommy reemerges from the closet in his black boxer-briefs and a white undershirt. He holds a simple pair of pants and a button up shirt in his hands.
I watch him, intent on both his actions and his words. "What did they do?"
"They bedded their daughter. I say 'they' because the mother knew. She allowed herself to be complicit, to be infected by her husband's monstrous nature." He pauses, "I'm not forgiving when monsters let their nature infect the innocent."
"That's..." I trail off, staring at him without expression. After a moment, I begin to dress myself, finishing my sentence in a quiet afterthought. "...ironic."
Tommy looks like he's about to say something, but the tinny sound of Casino Night Zone comes from within the room. Clothed in just underwear, I drop the dress from my hands. My expression fluctuates between excitement and fear as I glance at Tommy, then the phone. Tommy, smiling at the sudden panic on my face, commands, "Get it, little one." I'm by the table with the phone in my hand in an instant. I press it to my ear, answering almost timidly. "...hello?"
My heart sings as Alex's voice comes through the headset. "Hey! Rook got me back early. I really need to see you, where are you?"
I'm silent for almost a whole minute, trying to absorb the reality of the situation. "Alex? It's really you? Actually you?"
Alex laughs over the phone. "Yeeaahh, who else would it be? Rook told me he was able to give you my message the other night, but said you were worried. I worked something out with him and he got me back early. Actually, I didn't know it was early until I got back, I thought I was late. Time is fucked up over there. Anyways, I got so much shit to tell you. Where are you?" He talks quickly, the sounds in the background hinting to him driving.
"I...what?" I struggle to comprehend his words, looking to Tommy nervously.
Tommy states, loudly enough to be heard, "Go to him, little one. Cherish what time of happiness and reprieve you have on this earth. You're allowed that much."
My voice is small and scared as I reply over the phone. "I'll meet you somewhere. Anywhere."
There's silence on the other end before Alex speaks up "Who was that? he asks, in a rather dead pan, suddenly very un-excited tone. "Was that him? Are you with him right now? Are you at St. Leo's?"
Tommy picks the dress up, smiling and handing it to me as he speaks up, "Your car is on it's way."
Whatever happiness I felt at hearing Alex's voice seems to melt away. I feel a single tear trace a bloody course down my cheek. "I'll...I'll meet you somewhere Alex. Anywhere...please."
Tommy kisses my cheek, "You're welcome, my little dear."
Another brief silence from Alex. "OK...just, tell me where. I want you to leave, right now. I'll come pick you up from anywhere."
My eyes stay on Tommy, as I reply. "The harbor. By the Aquarium."
The sound of an engine revving grows louder. "OK, I'm on 95 now. I'll be there in like, 15 minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?"
I shake my head, unseen by Alex. "No. No, I'll be OK. I'll see you soon. I love you, Alex."
He sighs. "OK. Please be safe. I love you too." He waits, as if unwilling to disconnect.
I struggle to find something to say. Some words of comfort to hold him over until I can touch him. Tommy directs a comment to the mouthpiece of the phone, "Drive safely." I quickly flip the phone closed against an angrily whispered hiss of Spanish.
Wiping the stray tear from my cheek, Tommy remarks, "You're allowed to be happy. It's not something we get often, and the time is fleeting, but you deserve it. Keep to him as long as you can before it dies." I clutch the phone in my hand and ignore him as he instructs me to raise my arms. I stand still, head down, shaking slightly. He waits patiently, and after a moment I lift my arms. "I don't blame you, you know." My mouth opens to reply, but nothing comes out. Tommy continues, "Lessons can wait, I just worry about the boy." He kisses my forehead, before clumsily dropping the dress over my head.
"So do I," I whisper, my tone desperate. "I don't want to hurt him."
"I know you don't, little one. I hate seeing you feel such pity and shame. But you love him, and you'll always cause him pain." He finishes pulling the dress over me.
Another tear escapes my eye. "...no.." is the only argument I can manage.
Tommy drops the topic, merely pushing me down onto the bed to place socks on my feet. I offer no resistance, raising my hand to my mouth and biting at my thumb distractedly. After placing socks and shoes on my feet, Tommy looks up to me. "I have to ask something. Will you do me the service of looking at me." I meet his gaze with hesitance. Tommy's eyes are welled, his lips lightly agape, and his forehead glistening. "I promised never to leave you, but would you rather I never let you in? I think you need me, but I depend on you just as much. I could survive, however, if I knew that you were happier, if only for a little while."
My emotions fluctuate, disbelief reigning prominent. I once more open my mouth to respond, but doesn't seem to be able to do so while looking at Tommy. Once more, I drop my eyes to my lap. "I do need you. I can't imagine not...not being able to come to you. To be with you. Is that...selfish? I need you, Tommy." My voice grows quieter, hurt rising over the disbelief. "I'm such an idiot."
"We are what we are, Madelyn, but I'm perfectly aware that you're much smarter than I am. Two fools are we if you are one." He smiles and chuckles through his tears. "I'll stay here for you, and I'll always try to pass what little God has given me to me."
I sigh. "I wish I could..." I shake my head. "...nothing. Nothing."
I slide off the bed, kneeling, face to face with Tommy. Placing my hands at the nape of his neck, I first kiss under each of his eyes, and then his lips. He returns the kiss with a previously unfelt passion. I fight down my tears, pulling away just enough to speak. "Just...love me, Tommy. Please. Tell me you love me?"
Tommy states, with the sound of utter confidence shattered by some sort of loss, "I love you, my little dear."
I shake my head at him. "My name. Call me by my name."
"Madelyn." Tommy states, with some incredulity. "I love you, Madelyn. I love you, Madelyn. Maddie. Little one. My little dear. Everything and anything you could call you."
I climb into his lap, burying my face in his neck and succumbing to tears. My voice is muffled as I responds, "I love you, Tommy."
Tommy places his hands around me, cradling and kissing me. "I'll always be here, Madelyn. No matter which me you need, one of us is always available."
I respond, somewhat lamely, "Promise?"
"Yes." Tommy kisses my head.
"OK. OK...I can. OK." I kiss his jaw, gently.
Tommy rises to his feet, pulling me up with him. "May I give you something, little one?"
"Yes. If you...want to."
He lifts me, then places me on his bed. Leaving me for a moment, he opens his top drawer, retrieving a white tulip from a full bouquet. "This was meant for the funeral, but I believe that you're far more worthy than an empty grave."
My head cants to the side, slightly. "I've never...no one has ever given me a flower before."
"That is a tragedy, my little dear." He places it in my hand. "I would rather give you just this one, a reminder of our solitary and fragile life."
"Thank you..." I take the flower, looking down at it with vaguely sad expression. "Sir."
He turns back, then retrieves the rest of the bouquet and hands it to me. "And because we have many lives to live, take the rest." I take the flowers from him, grazing my fingers against his hand. My lips turn up slightly as I meet Tommy's gaze. His eyes are still lightly welled. "Your car is probably here, or will be soon."
With my free hand, I touch his cheek, under his eye. Grazing the pad of my thumb against his lower eyelashes, I inquire, "Why?"
Obtusely, he replies, "Because you need to leave, little one."
"No, not that." I gently wipe my thumb across his eyelid, pulling her hand back to show him the faint smear of blood. "Why?"
Tommy looks down, but kisses my cheek again. "I'm just worried."
I blink, almost shocked by his response. "About what?"
Tommy smiles, "You and your boy." He stands, suddenly.
"My boy," I repeat, my eyes following his movement as he stands. "He hates you. He wants to kill you."
Tommy moves back to the closet to retrieve his white buttoned shirt. "I'm aware, but that's not a new phenomenon. Interestingly to me, he would likely be a friend of mine were it not for your position in his life."
I watch Tommy dress, almost longingly. "If he tried to do...anything. Would you hurt him?"
Tommy flashes his 'television' grin and replies, "I don't think it will ever come to that, little one. I don't enjoy causing others pain unless it would teach them something. Alex wouldn't understand anything I could possibly say."
I blink, chewing my lip. "I would protect him, if it did. If you tried. You know that, right?" My tone betrays the slightest bit of skepticism.
He buttons his shirt, replying, "I have no interest in hurting him, Madelyn. Between the two of us, I know that I'm the far less likely culprit."
I open my mouth to reply, but instead drop my head, shamefaced.
"Whether or not you hurt him, Madelyn, is up to you. You can bring the boy into our world, but it will have been your fault if he can't help but remain. Our corruption is infectious." Tommy completes the ritualized preparation of his shirt, then adorns slacks.
"I won't." I'm not sure what part of his speech I'm responding to. I stand, stepping towards Tommy and assisting him with zipping and buttoning his pants. Tommy smiles, his eyes looking almost tired. He kisses my head and murmurs his thanks. I smile back up at him. My hands move to his face, gently tracing his features as I try and fail to hide both the shame and adoration in my expression. After a moment, I kiss him. Tommy places a gentle hand on the curve of my back, then another on the back of my head. He returns the kiss, lightly biting at my lip. I gasp quietly, as I break the kiss.
"I love you, Tommy. I'll come back to you." Regret creeps into my tone as I continue, "I'll always come back to you."
"I'll always be here Madelyn, just as I always have been," he replies. He releases me after one more kiss. "It's time for you to go to him ."
"I know." I touch his face again, my own expression pained, before I turn on my heel and walk away.
Tommy nods at me, with his standard gentlemanly courtesy. "Be safe."
I glance at him over my shoulder, just once before leaving the building.
The drive to the harbor is a blur. My heart yearns for Alex, and my hands seems to burn in anticipation of touching him. And yet, part of me is pained at the thought of Tommy alone in his church. Abandoned by me. I wipe at my face regularly, trying to stem the flow of tears before reaching my destination. When the Lincoln stops, I exit the car, barely giving thanks or even notice to the driver. I straighten the lines of my dress and wait for Alex. After a few minutes, his Camry pulls up, parking haphazardly. Alex jumps out of the car, moving quickly over to me and crushing me into his embrace. He hands envelope my face. "I don't care what happened, don't worry, I love you, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you everything, please don't be mad at me. "
I blink, attempting to clear my eyes as I return the embrace. "I'm not mad at you. Don't think I could be, if I tried." His clothes are slightly torn, and he smells of blood.
"I didn't want you to be hurt trying to come over if something were to have happened ..but, it doesn't matter. " The smell of his blood wafts through the air as we stand by the water. "I missed you so much" He leans forward and kisses me, hands at my hips. " You have no idea how much I thought of you, how much I missed you"
I kiss him back, unable to restrain the whimper that comes from my lips as I do so. "I know. I know because I missed you just as much." I choke back a small sob. "I thought you were dead. Until Rook called me, I thought I'd lost you forever."
He holds me, running a hand through my hair. "I didn't know how long I had been gone. It felt like a month sometimes, then hours the next. It was weird." he winces a little as he continues. "I ..shouldn't have kept it from you. I was just so afraid you'd try and follow, and that'd I'd lose you."
"I did follow you. Not physically..but..I saw where you went." I admit this openly, unashamed for the first time this night. "Why did you? Why did you go and...why did you feel like you had to hide it from me?"
"I .. I needed to help you." he'd say quietly, almost shamefully. "Cally was right, I'm not a fighter. Knowing you could have to go fight this guy at Fort McHenry, and risk your life. I had to do something to help you. I had to get as much info as I can to try and keep you safe." he'd fall silent "I was worried you'd try and follow us over, and that I would lose you over there. That's why I didn't tell you."
"Fuck Cally. You...god damn it, Alex." I take his hands, squeezing them between my own.
"You can't...you can't put yourself in danger for me. You can't. If something happened to you...I couldn't survive that."
He clutches my hands. "And you think I could survive if something happened to you? Something I could have prevented? Nah." He rubs the back of my hands with his thumbs "It's over though. I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future." He smiles at me. "You're stuck with me for awhile longer."
I pull his hand to my face, pressing my cheek into it. "Stuck with...not the right term." My expression grows worried. "So, Rook just gave you information, let you hang out in fairy land for free?"
He smiles, rubbing his fingertips gently against my scalp. "I think he gets lonely and bored over there." He falls silent. "He has a fascination with my existence, if that makes any sense. It's weird...I'll tell you more about it later though." He motions to his pants, which are riddled with holes and blood stains "I really need to get these wrapped up...and ..I want to hold you."
"I can take care of you," I reply, simply. "I can drive. Do you want me to take us back home? Um..." I catch myself, looking embarrassed. "To the Barony?"
"Don't worry, I can drive." He sighs. "No...no. Let's go back to my place. I can't deal with Troy right now. I want to be just with you, no one else." He smiles. "Take you back to my place so I can take my pants off."
"Your place?" I reply, smiling despite my confusion. "Your pants?"
"Yeahhh, I haven't even been there in like...a month. I pay rent and usually just store stuff there, but it's away from the Barony." He motions for me to get in the car, but then pauses. "Oh yeah, any reason for the dress? Is it a reason I don't really want to know?"
I look down at the dress, keeping my eyes averted from Alex's "I don't know. He wanted me to.." I trail off. "I'd like to see where you live."
He nods and moves to his car. "Well, you look cute tonight. " He smiles, moving towards the driver side of his car. "I promise you, it's nothing spectacular." He gets in, and I follow suit, sliding into the passenger seat. Pulling from the parking spot, Alex drives out of the city, heading towards Crownsville. "Sooo, important question." He takes a deep breath. "Any chance I can get you into Pokémon Go?"
I turn my gaze from the window and the scenery, unable to fight the smile growing on my face. Extracting my Motorola Razr from my boot, I unashamedly reply, "I think I might be a little outdated for that.."
"Gurl, you might as well have two tin cans and some string. Please let me get you a phone. Like, I literally have 10 smart phones I can activate tonight. 10. 10 phones for Pokémon." He says, looking towards me with a smile. "Madelyn...I...want. To be the very best, like no one ever was."
"Alex..." I press my forehead into my hand, laughing. "For fucks sake. I love you." Turning my body to face him as much as the seat will allow, giving the center console a dirty look as I continue, "Thank you for coming back to me."
He laughs and glances at the road, looking back towards me. "I, really, really love you too Madelyn. Thank you for being here when I got back. Thank you for being a beacon while I was over there. It was like...being really high over there. You just want to stay and be high, and get even more high, and lose yourself. But, I always had you to ground me, and keep me focused."
I smile. "Didn't ever think I'd mean so much to anyone. It's weird...being a beacon and not a burden." My smile falters a little. "I wouldn't have blamed you, y'know. If you had stayed? I mean...if you were dead...yeah, big problem. But, if you had willingly chosen to stay?" I shrug, attempting to make it a casual gesture. "...wouldn't blame ya."
Alex made a dismissive sound. "I mean it was pretty cool, and like...if I knew you wouldn't get hurt and it wouldn't end horribly, which it would, I'd love to take you there. But...it's like the holodeck in Star Trek, you know shits not real, and after awhile, you start asking 'what's the point'."
"I spend too much time trying to figure out what's real and what's not here..." I trail off, reaching for Alex's hand. "I still don't trust any of this fae, fairy...whatever crap."
He outstretches his arm and takes my hand, using the other to steer. "Yeah, they're really fucking shifty, and they read between the lines of everything you say. They'd make great lawyers." He chuckles softly. "So, get into anything while I was away? Anything fun?"
I furrow my brow at his statement. Which one, I'm not even sure. "What's your definition of fun?"
"Did you cause mayhem anywhere? Anarchy? Take a bubble bath? I dunno." He gives a shrug.
"Well, I considered killing Troy and burning down the Barony. Heh." I give a tentative smile. "Mostly, I missed you, tried not to go crazy, and sniffed a sweatshirt that I stole from your room."
He nods a little, and laughs. "Well, glad you didn't burn down the Barony, because that would mean I'd have a shit load of work to do." He smiles and glances to me. "That's kinda adorable. I debated on taking something if yours over, but my luck, I'd only be able to grab panties, or something, and that would just be awkward. "
"Especially when you found out they were Cookie Monster panties..."
She laughs a little, and then looks embarrassed.
"I'd like to be able to say I acted like a normal girlfriend would act, and just like...patiently waited for you to come back. But...y'know...me."
"I wish we could just be normal girlfriend and boyfriend, not have to deal with any of this bullshit.." He sighs, then grow silent. " Madelyn. If you could, ya know, go back to being human, like, leave all of this, would you?"
I lean my head against the seat, closing my eyes as I contemplate. "No. I couldn't." My words come out as strangely formal as I continue. "I've done too much to just be able to leave this. This is what I am. Just something I have to accept." Pressing my lips together and closing my eyes nervously, I inquire, "Do you wish I was normal?"
He shakes his head "No. The only thing I wish for you is that you are happy, by whatever means necessary." He pulls into an average looking apartment complex, navigating around the parking lot and then parks his car in front of one of the buildings. He shuts the car off. "I just ask because ...well, there was something really nice over there. There was sun over there.."
I rub at my forehead, forcing my tone into casualty. "I saw the sun awhile ago. It sucked."
He raises a brow. "You saw the sun? How? Why?"
Blinking a few times, I reply "At the time, it seemed a better option than being alone." I shake my head a little, attempting to clear the memory from my thoughts. "It also hurt a lot. That was a long time ago. I was stupid."
"Oh. That. Yeah." He nods. "I...I've played that game too. I'm lucky, I guess. I get a few good seconds of warmth before the burning starts." He shakes his head a little and opens his car door. "Enough of that shit, come on, let's go not be depressed for one night.."
"Sorry. Habit." I kiss hand before releasing it and climbing out of the car.
He gets out, and closes the car door, moving around to my side and returning the kiss. He smiles and takes my hand, walking us into the apartment complex. Once inside, we head downstairs, as he fishes around in his back pack for his keys. He removes one and unlocks the second door on the left, opening it into the dark apartment. "I haven't been here for like...a month. I'm sorry, not sorry?" He holds the door open for me, switching on the light. It's a small, carpeted apartment. Boxes and large tubs line the walls, and much like his room at the Barony, electronic parts litter every surface. A large multi screen computer unit dominates one corner of the room, and opposite of it is a workbench with a fancy looking drone on it.
I look around, the corners of my mouth turning up. "Nice bachelor pad. Honestly, I expected more dicks..."
"Hah, never shit where you eat." He says, moving inside and closing and locking the door behind him. "Yeah, uh...I don't have much sitting space, but you can have the computer chair. I really...need to take off my pants." He says, laughing. "In the most non-sexual way possible."
I turn my attention on Alex. "No. You're right, you do." I point to the proffered chair. "You sit. Do you have a first aid kit? Or like, stuff for cleaning and dressing wounds?"
He laughs, "I have some old t-shirts..." He moves over to one of the tubs, and pulling it open and taking out some white undershirts. "I guess, I better do this in the kitchen or something..." He moves to the small kitchen area. Alex slowly takes off his jacket, exposing long scratches running down his arms, crusted with dried blood. " OK sorry, not sorry.." He unbuttons his pants, and slowly pulls them down, wincing as he does so. The scratches on his legs were deeper, and look more irritated.
The smell of his blood fills the air, and I feel a momentary pang of hunger "Sit on the counter," I order, ignoring the hunger as I look at his wounds, concerned. I grab one of the shirts and begin tearing it into medium sized strips."Do you have any rags or paper towels?" I look around his kitchen awkwardly, not wanting to go through his stuff.
He thinks for a minute, and moves to one of the cabinet, opening it and pulling out a dusty, half used roll of paper towels. "Sorry. I mean, it's not like it's going to get infected, right?" He hands it to me before hopping up on the counter. "Don't look at my dick" He comments, giving a small laugh as he tries to adjust his shirt to cover his boxers opening. I smile, almost shyly, as I shake the dust from the roll. Pulling off a handful of the paper towels, I turn on the sink and run them under warm water. Kneeling slightly, my brows furrow together as I concentrate on cleaning the wounds on Alex's legs. From above my head, I hear the smile in his voice as he speaks. "Thank you. You really don't have to do this." He's quiet for a second studying his own wounds.. "Thorns All from these tentacle...thorn..shits." He makes a tiny sound of discomfort. "I love you.."
I continue cleaning. "Shush. I love you, too."
Grabbing the strips of the t-shirt, I tie them snugly against the wounds on Alex's legs. Almost unconsciously, I breathe in the scent of his blood. It's different, somehow. I graze my fingers against one of the cuts before I finish tying the strip. Without attempting to hide the movement, I bring my fingers to my mouth and taste the fluid smeared across my skin. My head tilts to the side as the flavor fills my mouth. It's Alex, but different. Almost sweet, and weaker than Kindred blood should taste.
Alex continues to watch me, smiling, unaware of anything being off. He looks down to the bandaging job and grins. "You're awesome. Thank you so much." He slides off the counter top, wincing slightly and stretching his legs.
I blink at him, head still tilted. "You taste different...'
He raises a brow. "What? How so?" He lifts his arm, attempting to lick one of his scratches on his forearm. "What does it taste like?"
"Not you. Well...like you, but different." I swat at him. "Stop trying to eat yourself. It's unsanitary."
"But I wanna taste it.." He replies, as he manages to lick some of the dried blood on his arm. He smacks his lips and shrugs. "I don't taste anything. Maybe it was sap or some shit or something.." He shrugs. "Could just be something residual, I dunno.."
He moves to wrap his arms around me. "If I can't eat myself, who else could I eat?" He raises a brow and smiles. "Kinda kidding. Kinda not. I reallly missed you.."
"I mean, you still taste good.." My eyes stray below his waist. "Oh god, phrasing..." I step into his arms, feeling flustered and pressing my face into the crook of his neck. "You look really cute tonight..."
He runs his hands over my back and smiles "That's my line." Closing his eyes, and seemingly to take in my smell, Alex's hands move farther down my back. "I'm sorry. I'm just...being a dude." He lets out a small contented sigh as he moves his head to look at me. "Don't worry, nothing has to ever happen."
"You're allowed..." I move closer to him, holding my body against his with only slight hesitance. "To be a dude. And..um.." I trail off, gently kissing his neck.
Alex closes his eyes, a small smirk forming on his lips. "Mmm gurl, you're gonna have to stop. Lightsaber in my pants joke here." His hands move down to gently rest on my backside. "Hey" he whispers, softly kissing the side of my head. "I love you. Anything that you're not comfortable with, is cool."
Despite the tinge of anxiety that creeps into my psyche, I manage to keep my tone cool and even. "And that's how I know you're not a real teenager. Pretty sure you would have roofied me by now.." I pull my face from his shoulder, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck. Drawing my lips to Alex, I kiss him. The kiss starts chaste and hesitant, but with effort, I pull him closer and manage the best attempt at passion as I can.
He meets my lips, closing his eyes as the kiss deepened, pressing his body against mine. He breaks the kiss after a moment "Nah, I want you to actually enjoy this. I just want...you" he murmurs, before catching my lips again, kissing me longingly. "I actually have a bed here..." He tone seems to be leaving the statement open ended, curious for my response. His hands trace along my back, kneading the skin exposed by the back of my dress.
I shiver slightly when his fingers meet my skin. Keeping my face close to his, I chew the inside of my lip."Do you want to get in it?" I pause. "Umm..the bed? Your bed."
He snickers. "That phrasing." Taking a small step back, he takes my hand, thumb rubbing the back of it as looked to me. "No pressure." He leads me to his small bedroom, and unmade bed. Pulling me close, I'm glad my heart doesn't beat, so that he can't notice the fear that I'm unable to fully dismiss. His hands are gentle, his touch soft and loving. Alex kisses the lobe of my ear, whispering "I love you." and shutting the door to the bedroom.
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