My disillusioned mind is wasting away. Until I break, until I bend. Until I fall back on my faith again.

That all too familiar laugh rings in my ears. The pages of my book are suddenly intelligible as my hands start to shake. Why? Why, now? Rising from the couch, I clutch at my head. It's too late. The lines of reality are blurring. Gotta...gotta get out of here. Run somewhere. Go go, I've gotta goooo. I take a few lurching steps before collapsing in the kitchen. I hit my head on the stove and laugh. Why do we even have a stove? Hehehehehe. The dead don't cook! My laughter tapers off into a whine. I hear him coming. No! I can run! I clamor to my feet again, darting towards the back of the house. I feel his hand grazing the back of my neck before I barrel through the patio door. Glass shatters and my feet tangle in each other, spilling me into the yard. I cover my face with bloody hands. If I can't see you you can't see me if I can't see you you can't see me if I can't see you you can't see me if I can't see you you can't see me. 
"I see you, monster. Cut up and frightened...just how I've always loved you."
I lower my hands and look into the crazed eyes of my maker. Again. "Why? How many times do I have to kill you?" My voice wavers pathetically despite my attempt to sound brave. He laughs that sick laugh.
"Maybe you should stop trying to kill me and kill what's really destroying you. Hmm?" Destroying? Destroying? "Weakness, my monster. You're weak. This is not how I raised you." I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shake my way out of this delusion. My maker growls. "You know I HATE when you try to ignore me!" I'm pulled roughly to my feet, his nails slashing across my face before he turns me to face the woods. "Look, monster! LOOK! This is what is destroying you!" Familiar Kindred face me in a semi circle. Miss Lucy. Pyotr. Fate. Mason. Marcus. Other faces. Those I consider allies. Friends even. "FRIENDS?!" He roars in my ear. Pointing to each in turn. "Weakness! Weakness! Weakness!" Predictably, Mongrel steps forward through the circle. My makers voice is full of anger as he points in Mongrel's direction. "WEAKNESS. He is the epitome of what will destroy you." His hard grasp turns gentle as he pets my hair. I feel the light trickle of blood down my jaw. "Don't you see, monster? They are the only reason this hurts you. HE is the only reason this causes you pain." Mongrel is trying to talk to me. His lips are moving, I can't hear him. "End your own pain. Kill him. Kill them all. You don't need to feel..." His words turn into visions. Me, covered in gore. The bodies of my friends at my feet. I'm smiling as Mongrel begs for his life in front of me. Snuff him out. Kill him.."Kill him, monster."

A revelation washes over me and the hallucination dissipates. "No." I wrench myself out the vampires grasp. Straightening my spine, raising my eyes to his. "Never. I will never. You...you are the weakness." I let out a shaky laugh. "I see it! I'm always afraid. Of you. Of your memory. Of what you make me do. Of what I feel..." I look back at the apparitions of my Kin. "YOU'RE the one who is afraid. For fifty years, it was just you and I in here. Even dead. You still ran the show, didn't you? Now...it's not just you. I'm stronger than you ever planned me to be." The apparitions fade away. All but Mongrel.
When I turn back to my maker, he almost looks disappointed. But..there's still that shine in his eyes. He caresses my face with a filthy hand. I don't flinch away. "Oh, my monster. You think you're strong." He laughs his laugh. "You'll never be rid of me, Madelyn."

"Maddie? What's going on? Are you...Maddie, your cheek." I can hear Mongrel's voice over my makers cackling. I turn slowly to face him as he approaches. On alert, not trusting the mad vampire behind me. "Mongrel, it's not safe. Why are you always here when it's not safe? He wants me to hurt you. I won't. I'm strong...aren't I?" I laugh forlornly.
"I'm here because it's my job to keep you safe. Yes, you are. Very very strong, Maddie. I'm so proud of you." He gives me a reassuring smile.
I shoot a fearful glance over my shoulder at the scornful chuckle of my maker. "Not as proud as I am, monster." He rasps. I whimper under my breath. Please. Please please let me go. 
Mongrel's voice reaches me through my own thoughts. "You can fight it. You can fight him." 
I can't. Can't. Not without you. I drop into my protective crouch. "But...he's so deep inside here." I point to my head. "And you're so far away. I can't have you near when he's in me." He's always in me. 
Mongrel rushes to my side in a instant, wrapping me in his strong arms. "I know there's still a part of you that's human, that's entirely Madelyn. I know she's still in there, I've seen her. You're safe, love." 
I grab the lapels of his jacket, confused. He feels like he's here. Is this just to torture me? "But..he says.." I want to look, make sure my maker isn't coming closer. I can't. I bury my face in his chest.
"He's not real, Maddie. He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here. Don't be scared."  
"I AM scared. I'm scared of him. Of myself. Mongrel...I'm scared of you." 
He strokes my hair. I sigh quietly, wanting this to be real. He pulls away enough to look in my eyes. Puzzled, he responds. "Why are you scared of me, love?" 
That word. My chest feels just as turmoiled as my brain. "I'm scared of what...how..how you make me feel. He says it's weakness. It is. Isn't it? Is it? I don't know.." I look away. Embarrassed by the scrutinizing look this apparition is giving me. "I wish you were here. No. That's not fair. I don't! But...you save me." 
The cackling voice echoes faintly. "There is no saving you...weak..weak little monster..."

Mongrel's voice reaches me again through my makers. "I like to think of it as a strength." I feel his cool lips on my forehead before he picks me up, heading towards the house. "Shh shh, I'm here. I'm here. You're safe." 
I'm shaking slightly as I frantically survey the yard for that haunting specter. "He's gone!" I manage a small smile. "You made him go. Even when you're not real..." My brow furrows in confusion. He couldn't of given up that easily. Where's the catch? "How are you doing this?" He sets me down on the couch, inspecting the wound on my cheek and various other cuts acquired from smashing through the patio door. I feel a faint panic as he disappears into the bathroom. Oh, no. Oh, no. Is it going to get bad again? I close my eyes, reopening them only when I hear his voice. 
"Doing what, deary?" He's dabbing the blood off my face with a moist washcloth. 
I exhale. "Doing...being so...real. I thought.." It's almost like he's really with me. I give him a sheepish look. "Doesn't matter. I'll take what I can get at this point." I touch his face. His skin is so soft..."Mongrel...I.." Chewing my lip as I pause. Looking up at him, my face sincere, almost human. Don't want to break this. Careful, Maddie. Don't wanna ruin the illusion. I say in a quiet voice. "...I love you..." 
Eyes wide, he stops and just stares at me. His face turning several different shades of pink. After a beat, he laughs awkwardly and drops his gaze to the floor, "...ditto...I'm sorry I left you alone, Maddie. I'll try to not stay away so long." With a cough, he feigns clearing his throat "Are you feeling better?"

Better. Better? Tilting my head to the side curiously. "I'm...ok." I blink a couple of times, awareness rolling in like a wave. I touch the wound on my check, glance back at the glass and splinters of wood where the back door used to be. "..oh." I look back at Mongrel. "Oooh." Oh. He came back. He's been here...I've been talking to him the whole time. "You're um...hey. I.." I make an indecipherable sound and pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. 
"Ah, welcome back." He says with a chuckle, petting my hair. 
My voice comes out muffled as I hide my face in the pillow. "I bled and broke things again, didn't I?" Is he mad? This must of been a hell of a scene to come home to. Oh Christ..
"Meh, nothing out of the ordinary. 'Least I didn't come home to a mound of bodies. I'd say that's an improvement." The uncharacteristically cheerful tone of his voice makes me look up. A silly grin plastered on his face, "I've missed you." 
I return his smile but quickly look away. "I missed you too. Heh." Way to understate myself. "I should...clean up." I will my body to move and am denied. 
Noticing my distinct lack of getting up, he says with a smirk, "Need help?" He chuckles after a moment. "Hah, sorry. I've been locked in an underground silo with a bunch of idiots for the past couple days. I'm... eh... I'll be in my room if you need anything." 
I make an odd noise and hop up from the couch abruptly. Taking a few steps to the kitchen, I find myself halted again. "Mongrel." Peering over my shoulder to confirm I have his attention. I tense, my lack of judgement willing me to run. C'mon Mad. Man up. Not even five days ago you faced off against a mecha Lasombra  surrounded by fire and a gazillion shadow arms. You've been tortured in every way imaginable. This is a breeze. This is Mongrel. MY mongrel. With a deep breath, my words come out in a rush. "I do love you. I don't know how it's even...possible. Or if it's even worth anything coming from, well. Coming from me." I sigh. "I do, though." 

I duck into the kitchen closet before my mouth says anything else. I shuffle around noisily, pretending to look for the broom. My distractionary methods are interrupted when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to face Mongrel as he takes both my hands in his own. "Maddie. Maddie... I love you too." He looks into my eyes and brushes stray strands of pink behind my ear, staring at me like he's waiting for something...Wait. He? Loves? Me? How...Conflicted emotions swarm my brain. I feel giddy. Scared. Ecstatic. Sad. Sad for him.. "Now go take a nice bath and get -yourself- cleaned up. I'll take care of the glass." 
I keep staring with a half smile on my face. "I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or to ki....um. Yeah. A bath." Once again...I'm reluctant to move. 
In a swift movement he leans forward and plants his lips on mine, pulling away just as quickly. Turning red. "..sorry. Err...silo. Underground. Idiots. Heh." 
I grin and absently rub my own cheeks. "Yes. Silo. And...idiots. And baths." My face turns serious and I step forward into Mongrel's proximity. Linking my hands around his neck, I ease into another kiss. Taking my time. After a moment I pull away and give him a gentle smile. Heh. Hehe. This makes me recall something. "Remind me to tell you about a dream I had...later." I laugh at my own inside joke. 
Looking somewhat dazed, Mongrel smiles a big, goofy smile. Appearing to mentally shake it off, he playfully spins me around, aimed me at the stairs with a nudge. "Please do. For now,  go bathe." He takes the broom and steps through the kitchen door onto the patio. 
I head up the stairs, mumbling to myself. "Bath...steamy showerbath...yeah. Clean..." I reach the top of the stairs, grinning. Before I can stop myself, I emit a squeak of a girly giggle. I cover the treacherous sound with a forced cough and duck into the bathroom, slamming the door. OH GOD I DID NOT JUST...