I can't show my true embrace, now that you're subdued. I begin to weaken you. Rise and fall we decompose.

I'm following an ambrosial scent through the trees. The questions I should be asking myself barely cross my mind. Where am I? How did I get here? All I can focus on is the smell. I track it to a scant opening in what looks like a bare brick wall. I pause at the entrance. The smell assaults me as if embodied with life itself. It whispers. Come. Come in. Find me. I'm pulled forward, into a maze of sorts. A game? Is this a game for me? I giggle, ignoring the brief tickle of foreboding. It's only when I notice the gap in the wall I came through is no longer there, that sound judgement finally rears it's head. Just as swiftly, the mouth watering scent I followed into this trap is replaced with the recognizable smell of mildew and rot. Things long since decayed. Only the barest hint of light is reaching my still form. In the corners. The shadows breathe. Take form. They want me. I bare my teeth, but there's no denying the fear that's taking over my mind. The unknown figures start to converge on me and I run. Blindly run, taking turns at random. I know my fleeing is hopeless before I even feel the hands of my assailants grabbing me. Pulling me down. The faces of Kindred leering at me. Those whom I thought were allies. I try to appease to the mass of my kin. "Please, what have I done? Spare me! I don't know what I did." They fall on me. Claws tearing my skin. Blades cutting...cutting parts of me away. Laughter as they bite and drink from me. So much pain. I haven't felt this much pain since I was a mortal. My ravaged body is lifted up, passed through, hand to hand. The last face I see before being tossed into a lake of dark fluid..No...no..please not him. Not him. The clawed hand mockingly waving to me as I'm pulled deep into the lake of blood. Grasping, yanking hands. Dead hands pulling me under...under. Blood filling my mouth so I can't scream...


My own gasping bring me out of the nightmarish fog . Or does it? I'm in the dark, but it's...familiar. I feel the brush of fabric on my cheek. The closet. Great. I'm in my closet. I reach up, hand pausing on the doorknob. Taking a hearty sniff, my face contorts in reaction the overwhelming scent of blood. It's coming from the other side of the door. Incomprehensible sounds slip from my lips. Am I awake this time? Damn it. I don't want to open the door. Against my better judgement I turn the knob and step out of the closet. The smell makes my mouth water even through the dread. Oh...god. What did I...fuck. Oh fuck. I rub my face with shaking hands as I take in the the bodies strewn around my bedroom. All the pieces, the blood...I can't even count how many there are. What did I do?? What do I do?! It's almost dusk and Mongrel will...fuck fuck. Mongrel! I broke one of the few rules he actually enforces on me. He'll kill me! I crouch down in my guarded position, trying to finagle a plan when I hear the whisper. He will kill you, Maddie. He'll have to. My eyes snap open. Am I still dreaming? Mongrel would never hurt me? I crawl over to one of the bodies and press my hand against the cooling flesh. Feels real. I lick the blood off my palm and moan. I AM awake. I think. Oh. Please please. What the hell is going on?! He's coming. He's going to kill you. The smell of cloves sends me scampering to the other side of the room. I cower against the wall, blood pooling from the soaked carpet around my bare feet.
Mongrel steps into my bedroom, eyes wide, too many different emotions running across his face to discern. "Madelyn. What...the...fuck?" His eyes fall on me.
"I don't...I didn't..." My words drift off as I bury my head in my hands. Then, I hear Mongrel's voice. You're dead, Maddie. It's time. I wail through my clenched fists. Threats and laughter echo in my ears. This has got to be a fucking nightmare! IT'S GOT TO BE. I hear a warning growl. Sense Mongrel tensing to attack. I can't. I won't fight Mongrel! Fear and delirium come off me in an almost tangible wave. Tangible. I feel something fly from my mind like a cloud. A sound reaches me through the voices. A sound of fear, not my own. I force my hands away from my face. Mongrel's yellow eyes meeting my green ones. Like my own, his are filled with fear. Terror, even. I feel it, so akin to my own. But why? What now? What did I do? Realization creeps over me. My mind defended itself even though my body was unwilling. That power that flows through my cursed blood. I've infected Mongrel. Oh FUCK.

Mongrel falls backward onto the floor with an anguished scream. The sound of it sending a shock through my still heart. He argues with an unseen presence. "N-No..you’re dead. YOU’RE DEAD. I killed you with my own hands. I KILLED YOU. No. No. No. You’re not real. Not real. Not.." I grit my teeth afraid to act as he emits a pained cry. Then, his voice changes"… Evaly, love, what are you doing here?" Oh, no. Mongrel.."No, I killed him. He’s dead, babe. I killed him...for you." 
I'm filled with horror when I realize what he must be seeing. Tentatively, I speak. "Mongrel?"
At the sound of my voice, he staggers to his feet briefly, before falling to his knees with a yell. "Babe?... Babe, is that you? Oh god..so sorry... so sorry. Babe... where are you?" His words turn into panting sobs. Such pain.
Self preservation tossed aside, my thoughts turn solely to my friend as I crawl across the blood soaked carpet to him. I grasp his head between my shaking hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. "Mongrel! It's not...it's not real. What you're seeing. I..it's a...please Mongrel!" My voice, wavering with distress. "I don't know what to do..."
He reaches up, clasping my hand in his own. His eyes looking at me, but seeing someone else. "You're so beautiful..." He smiles sadly and kisses my palm, "I think I had one of those dreams again..it was so real. You were burning." I open my mouth to speak...and close it again. Swallowing around the lump in my throat. He's seeing her. His Evaly. I'm stricken with sorrow. How am I supposed to tell him this isn't real? He leans forward, lips brushing my ear, my neck, as he whispers "...kiss me.." I pull back an infinitesimal amount, trying to collect my wayward thoughts. Mongrel's familiar and comforting scent filling my nostrils. He's always been whatever I've needed him to be. How else can I do this without harming some part of him? And doesn't...doesn't some part of me...want. Want to feel...something..more than nothing? I'm pulled out of my thoughts at the soft touch of his hand, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "My love, Evaly..." I press my fingers to his mouth, cutting him off. I'm silently thankful for the false face he sees as I trace my thumb along his lips, before replacing it with my own lips. Hesitatingly. Gently. Then, as something ignites. My hand sliding across his throat to grasp the hair at the back of his neck. His hands caressing. And I feel...I feel. Oh. My dear Mongrel. I break off the kiss with a inward sigh of regret. His eyes on me as I bite my lip, trying to keep my face from betraying any emotion that might be amiss. "What's the matter, babe?" 
I force myself to smile. "Shh. Nothing, Jack. Just...rest darling." It's relief I feel when he settles against my chest. I kiss the top of his head, the pleased whimper he emits enough to make me thank whatever god that's out there that he can't hear the sound of my heart breaking for him. I hold him for indistinct amount of time, and in that time, I almost feel human.

The realization that neither of us can be lost in this illusion forever comes all too soon as Mongrel starts to stir. A brief glance into his aura tells me the effects of my inadvertent attack on his mind has finally dissipated. The feeling of trepidation once again creeping in. He lifts his head and looks at me with total awareness, for the first time in hours. I dubiously unwrap my arms from him. I want nothing more than to skitter back into the closet, or worse...just crawl back into his embrace and pretend everything's alright. If his face showed even the barest hint of anger, I probably would of ran. But the worry is just as bad. At least...harder for someone like me to deal with. "So.." he looks around the room incredulously. "...I guess you have something you need to tell me?" I attempt to smile and shake my head no. He pulls himself into an upright position and gives me the look. Sigh. I idly poke my finger into the blood-squishy carpet as I inform him of the recent discrepancies in my head. Including everything from the nightmares, the black outs and the new voices. My stomach clenches as I see the concern on his face. The burden I put on him. I rise to my feet, wiping my fingers on my shirt. "Maddie, why didn't you say something sooner?" 
I shrug, half heartily. "You have enough on your plate without my crap. MORE of my crap." 
He takes his glasses off and rubs at his eyes, perturbed. "If you don't tell me these things, how can I protect you?" 
I turn my back to him, senselessly speaking under my breath, knowing he can still hear me. "...maybe you shouldn't." "
Shouldn't what?" He interjects abruptly.
Continuing my gaze at the wall, I reply "Maybe you shouldn't bother protecting me anymore. Maybe you should just let the dam break. Or even...stop it yourself." The last three words spoke quieter than a whisper.
Crossing the room before I can blink, he turns me to face him. "What are you trying to say, Madelyn?" His hands are gentle on my shoulders, but still prevent me from dropping into the protected squat I favor in times like this.
Refusing to meet his eyes, I stare at a spot on his collar. "This was just a taste...just a...bare snippet of what I can do. I can't control it...I...can't control myself. You know this. I can't. I WON'T...hurt you." I can't even have a proper fucking conversation without wanting to lose control! Taking a moment to grasp my wits, I continue. "Hurting you. That's worse to me than any nightmare. Any...memory. You caring about me, that alone puts you in danger!" I struggle around the words, trying to take them from my brain to my mouth in a comprehensible order. "You're all I have, Mongrel. My scant grip on sanity depends on you. To destroy that through my own actions.." I shudder. "That. Can't. Happen. You can't let that happen." 
"So you're suggesting, what...I just up and kill you?!" I finally meet his eyes, letting him see my pain. His voice like a growl, "No. Just..no. That's not even a fucking option." "
Why not? You know. You know I'm nothing but a monster! I don't even deserve..." I cover my face with a sob. I feel his hands move from my shoulders, taking mine off my face and holding them in his own. "Please...stop. I need you just as much as you need me, Madelyn. YOU know this. Taking you from this world would be just as impossible as you doing the same to me." We stare at each other for a few moments.
"Mongrel...you're a damn fool." I say, not without affection.
"Name calling isn't going to goad me into doing it either." he replies, a ghost of a smile on his face.
I bring our clasped hands to my chest, giving his a squeeze. "I'm sorry." That word doesn't even cover it.
He kisses my forehead. "I know." In another barely noticeable burst of movement, he picks up an errant limb from the floor and tosses it at me. "Now, clean your room." I make a face as he walks out of the room. My scowl turning to a smile when I hear him dragging the steam cleaner back up the hallway. My last thought before setting my mind to eradicating any traces of human effluence from the confines of my bedroom. I don't deserve him.