Gritting my teeth, I send the message, giving Alex the knowledge and location of my home.
"Jesus Christ."
I toss the phone onto the half broken patio chair, where it falls through a hole in the seat and clunks off the floorboards. Forcing air from my lips, I blow my bangs out of my face and pace the porch.
Should I clean the place up?
I peer around at the dilapidated old Victorian. A lost cause, mainly due to my lack of skill in drywall and masonry. Feebly, I glance at my own clothing, satisfied by the lack of dirt or bloodstains marring the fabric. Shrugging, I sit on the step, leaning against the railing and stretching my legs out in front of me.
After an indistinct amount of time, I shake out of my mini fugue and turn my head towards the sound of a car pulling into the private road leading to the house. As the sound draws closer, I sniff the air, catching the familiar scent of Alex's Camry. A few minutes pass, and the headlights illuminate my own rusted vehicle, and the surrounding area. I watch as Alex exits his car, reaching into the back seat to grab his usual backpack and a smaller bag. My expression falters, torn between being pleased to see him, and wary of a visitor to my home. He moves towards the house, greeting me, his tone jovial.
"I think I've read several creepy pastas about this place. Did the Blair Witch give you a good deal on it?"
I smile somewhat hesitantly, and glance over my shoulder at the house.
"Didn't used to look this spook-tastic, but I guess it's a good place to fulfill my goth kid stereotype."
He smiles as he stops at the bottom of the porch, looking up at the building.
"Nah man, it's great. What alternative kid hasn't fantasized about living in the Addams family house?" He looks toward me, giving a small nod "You look cute, by the way...I'm hitting on you." he adds, motioning for me to follow him. "I need another set of hands, just passing things while I have a look under your hood." He smirks. "Not hitting on you, but eh? "
The smile that spreads on my face is face less strained as I comment, "Smooth, Alex. Super smooth." Nevertheless, I rub at my cheek, as if hiding a blush of color that doesn't appear.
Rising from the step, I make my way to the Jetta, reaching to open the driver's side door. My hand pauses, and the corners of my mouth draw downward.
The door should be open. I never shut it after I died. Real, or not real?
Alex moves over to the Jetta as well, setting down his bag, and kneeling down to take a look under the car. He shakes his head a little and is moving to open his bag when he notices me paused at the driver's side door.
"What's up?" he asks casually, opening his bag and removing a small flashlight, turning it on and shining it down under the car.
I pull my hand back as if burned, clutching it to my chest. Hearing Alex's voice, my attention switches to him. I stare at him blankly, my expression frightened and uncomprehending. I blink, and shake my head slightly. My lips part as if I'm going to speak, but instead I quickly swing the car door open, reaching inside to push the hood release.
"Sorry," I mumble, not looking at Alex. "Had a...moment."
I feel his eyes on me, peeking through my bangs to see him nod and stand up. He fiddles under the hood, flipping the latch.
"No problem, moments happen. If you're not comfortable with any of this, just let me know and we can stop, or I can work alone, no prob." He props the hood up and shines the flash light down, hands moving over some of the rusted pieces as he started to pull out leaves and other debris.
"What year is this? Do you know? "
His voice is casual, and I almost want to breath a sigh of relief.
"It's a 2002." I place one of my hands flat against the window, trying to ignore the images of my own death flitting around in my subconscious. "And you're good. It just...I.."
I glance at a spot on the ground. The spot when I fell after they beat the strength from me. I flinch, as the mini confession creeps from my mouth. "Some weird shit happened last time the car actually drove. I'm still trying to work out what it was."
He nods, attention still on the engine. "Well, if it's any consolation, it's going to be awhile before it drives again. You have some time to try and work through things." He leans forward, shining the flashlight down into the guts of the car. "Gurl, you got coons in you undercarriage." he says jokingly, giving a small laugh. "Not really, but definitely some chipmunks."
I smile, but the smile is brittle. "Yeah, they fucked up my upholstery, too. That, and the bloodstains."
I lean against the side of the car, head turned to watch Alex as he tinkers."I think I died here."
His hands move over the battery, flipping the small covers and shaking his head some. He stands up and moved back to his bag. "What can you remember? That you're comfortable with sharing, of course." He pulls out a rag and several tools, going back to the car. He hands me the flash light, and I stare at it, uncomprehending. "Shine it right there." He points towards the engine as he takes off his sweatshirt, an old white t-shirt adorning his upper body.
I point the light where he directs. "I remember coming home from Elysium. Didn't feel like hanging around Tommy or Simon. I..." My forehead creases, as I internally flinch away from the memories. "I don't know how they could have followed me. There were three or four...and as soon as I got out of the car I couldn't move." I watch the beam of the flashlight jitter slightly. "It was the Sabbat, and the Cam killed all of them they could find afterwards. But...how many times can someone die?"
He leans back over into car, unscrewing something and remaining silent and engaged as he listens.
"If you had asked me that in 1977, I'd have said only once...but, here we both are. If we can be living, mythical creatures from fantasy, god damn, any fucking thing is possible." He falls silent for a minute before adding. "I am just as clueless as to what could have happened, but ..you're here, right now. And, I selfishly feel lucky as shit for that."
I'm glad that the small whimper I hear is only in my head. I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. The beam of the flashlight quickly becomes ineffective as I slides down the side of the car, sitting cross legged in the dirt. "That. Honestly fucking bamboozles me."
He remains stationary, leaned over in the dark, his hands remaining on the parts he had been fiddling with. He's silent for long enough to entice a slight panic in me, before I hear him chuckling. "I am so, utterly bad at this." He stands up, moving to the side of the car and crouching down to my spot in the dirt. "I literally can't articulate the things I want to right now, to you. I'm angry," he says, pulling his eyes to the woods around them. "I'm angry that someone hurt you the way they did. I'm angry, that I couldn't help you then. I'm angry, that I...can't take your pain, and the shit you're feeling away right now." He pauses, looking back to her. " But mostly? I just want to hold you, without seeming like a dweeb."
His words seem to absorb into my brain, reminding me so much of...
No. Don't go there. Stay in the now.
I cling to the flashlight, as if it's a life preserver watching Alex closely, even as he looks away.
"Alex, I don't think you know what you're getting into with me. I...I'm a mess. And it's contagious. I'm not like..I'm not the kind of person people want to stick around." I chew my lip, still clutching the flashlight. "You're really great, and I don't want to ruin you. I can't not, though. I don't think I have the capacity to...not." I lower my head, thinking of Law, thinking of Mongrel, and shamefully dropping my eyes from Alex's.
I feel him watching me, knowing he's listened to every word. He moves so that he's sitting next to me on the ground. "I might be socially retarded, but I know that I can't change what you're going through right now. I know you are working through things I can't fathom." His hands fiddle with the screw driver he had been using earlier as he speaks. "But, I also know how I feel about you, right now, at this moment...and there is a very short list of things that would make me not want to be around you any more." He smiles a bit "Nothing needs to happen between us, Madelyn. Nothing that hasn't already happened. First and foremost, I'm your friend. I will never consciously force you to do, or feel anything you don't want to...but, I can't help but care for you. I'll be here, for as long as you want me to be...in whatever capacity we both can give." He rests one of his hands next to mine, cautiously running a finger over the back of my hand.
As he speaks, I pull my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them and hiding my face behind a curtain of pink hair.
Oh, how the past harmonizes.
It draws the familiar fear and ache that I told myself I'd cut out of my emotions. Feeling his touch on my skin, I release my grasp on the flashlight and tentatively take Alex's hand. My grip is firm, relaying a strength I don't really feel. I lift my head and turn to meet his eyes, hoping terror doesn't show in my expression. "I'm scared, Alex."
He holds onto my hand, rubbing his fingers over mine as he watches me. He looks out over the dark forest, and at the tiny bugs that crawled amongst them on the ground. "That's totally understandable. I probably would be too. I'm afraid that I could lose you, to something I can't fight.." he falls silent for a minute. "But, I'm right here..and although I might not be able to fight the demons you have following you, I will not let you fight them alone. If you don't want to." He intertwines his fingers with mine, holding onto my hand.
"Heh. I don't want to. I've never wanted to, but somehow I always end up alone." My hand tremors slightly in his. "I don't want to hurt you. For once, I don't want to hurt someone who's helping me. I...I don't even care if I get hurt. Like, if you decide you're fed up and just like, go your own way. S'fine. I understand. But, you can't let me hurt you." I rub vigorously at my face with my free hand.
"I know I'm talking in circles. I'm sorry. I just...don't want you jumping into the pool without knowing what's in the water." I make a face, disapproving of my own words. "...shitty..metaphor."
I meet Alex's eyes, reaching out to his mind with my telepathy, but not actually conveying any message.
"I know you don't want to hurt me, probably just as much as I don't want to hurt you. Everything we do in this after life is dangerous, the fact that I haven't been burnt to a crisp yet amazes me. What I'm trying to say is...I know. I know that you're in a bad position right now. I also know that I don't -want- to walk away." He looks up, returning my gaze and letting me reach into his mind. "I've been alone for a very long time. It feels really nice not to be." He forces a small smile on his face. "I don't really want to go anywhere else."
Staring at him in disbelief for a brief moment, I rub at my cheeks again, feeling embarrassed. "Christ, I'm glad I don't blush anymore." I scoot closer to Alex, relaxing slightly in his proximity. "Thank you. For not running away. For not -wanting- to run away. For...y'know.." I shut up before my shame gets the best of me.
He moves closer as well, letting his arm rest in my lap as he holds onto my hand. "All the color went to your hair...heh it must be one of those rare blood traits." He chuckles softly. "Thank you for trusting me enough to let me stay." He falls silent for a minute before he whispers. "I don't know why you're so worried about me, anyway. I'm the Hardcore Anal Vixen of Baltimore. I'm not the hero this city deserves, I'm the hero this city needs."
I burst into genuine laughter, adding "With great anal power, comes great responsibility."
He joins in my laughter. "Oh man, I'm not ready for this kind of anal responsibility."
We laugh together, and then with little planning and sudden movement, I lean towards Alex and kiss him. My senses come to me far too quickly, and I pull away, making an indiscernible noise, and resting my head against his shoulder. The sharp pain in my forehead tells me that it's less like a gentle resting of the cranium, and more like a smushing my face against his arm to mask my embarrassment. He sits there, looking shell-shocked, but blushing. He raises his arm and places it around my shoulders gently as I bury my face into his shoulder. I feel him kiss the top of my head, and bite my tongue against a pleased whimper. "You look really cute tonight," he whispers, quietly.
"So do you." I reply, muffled, into his shoulder. Telepathically, I continue, "Suave and smooth are two words that apparently aren't in my vocabulary."
He chuckles "Gurl, I'm literally the most awkward thing to ever be immortal." He looks back out into the woods " I'd ask if you'd want to stay up and watch the sun rise, but I'm dark enough as it is."
I snicker a little, still muffled by his arm. "Burnt to a crisp isn't a good look for me."
Eventually, I turn my head to stare out into the woods as well. We sit in silence, his presence enough to keep my voices at bay, at least temporarily. When I sense the dawn closing in, I wordlessly rise to my feet, wrapping my fingers around Alex's wrist and pulling him up with me.
Don't let him say anything. Just let him follow. I don't think I can verbalize what I need, right now.To my relief, he follows quietly. I lead him into the house, passing the bathroom with only the slightest hesitation. My bedroom is mostly bare, save for the notes and drawings tacked to the wall. Releasing his wrist, I sit on the bed, looking down at my feet.
"Will you stay with me?"
I squeeze my eyes shut until I hear his voice.
"Yeah."
Peering up through my bangs, I smile slightly as he climbs into the bed next to me. Laying on my side, I curl against Alex's body, rest my head on his chest, and await what will hopefully be a dreamless sleep.
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