Alex's words, clear, in my head. Almost enough to make me stay. His concern. Tybalt's. It's almost enough. I wrap my arms around him briefly, the feeling adding another tether to my already dragging feet.
"I love you, too."
And quickly, so quickly, I exit the room and the building and the property. I sever the link between their minds and my own, terrified that a stray lamentation or hint to where I'm going will pass on to someone. I slip from view and run, knowing where my feet will take me. My phone goes off and I peruse the message. It's from Sailix. More concern. More undeserved concern from people who care for me. After a few responses, I toss the phone into the nearest body of water. I try and fail to erase their minds from my thoughts. Pyotr. Undeserved loyalty to me.
I'm a monster.
All I deserve is pain.
There's no telling how long it takes, but I arrive outside of the church. I stay back. Stay hidden, and listen to the sounds of a sermon. His voice. I might as well be standing outside of that bomb shelter, waiting for cold gray eyes and the blade of a knife. Are they not one in the same? Do I not heed his call as well as I did my Sire? I breathe in deeply, awakening my hunger. My instinct tells me to take everyone. Slaughter the congregation. Slake my thirst and evoke the Father's wrath. It's what I need. I need him to beat and berate the sickness out of me. To stick his fingers in me and rip the illness from my core. My diseased insides.
I sink down to my knees, feeling each chunk of asphalt press into my skin. This little pain, little sacrifice, it isn't enough. I push my palms into the ground, wanting skin to break and blood to flow. I hear the church doors open and I look up, seeing masses of bodies exiting the building.
And there.
And there.
My savior.
My devil.
Without warning, thoughts come forefront like a book falling onto its spine and spewing pages. My chests aches as Alex fills my mind. His words and his smile and how healthy he makes me feel. My eyes focus on the tall, dark haired priest. His smile is natural and easy as he shakes hands, and offers his embrace to the departing crowd. He would mock me, if he knew how I yearned. He'll tell me how wrong I am for thinking I could have someone clean. Someone not like me.
Go back to him, Maddie. Let him help you. Choose help, not hurt.
My mouth still tastes of Alex's blood. I still feel the tear of his skin between my jaws.
Never. I will never hurt him again.
The irony of that statement hits me like a bullet. Flinching away from the feeling, I stand and brush myself off. I pull my hood up, drop all concealment, and wait on the sidewalk for him to notice me. Shifting from foot to foot, I still as his eyes meet mine. Warmth radiates from his glance, even as he turns to a small group of women, speaking to them in Italian and sending them through the church doors.
I wait, and Tommy draws near with a wide smile.
"Hello, Madelyn. Welcome back."
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