Two worlds are warring in me. Both sides are losing, patience has died.

These are two worlds that never should collide. 

The minute Tommy walked in, the second I caught his scent in the room.
No.
Alex's eyes boring into mine. Concerned. Angered. Furious.
No.
Pyotr, towering before me with his questions.
No.
Sailix's obviously comfortable familiarity with the priest.
No.
I couldn't let them get hurt. I couldn't let them hurt him.

"Who is he? How does he know my name?"
Because he heard me speak it in my sleep, while wrapped in his arms. Because you were in every tear that fell as I relented to his body pressed against mine. Because it was the agony I felt as he dug his fingers into my wounds. Alex. My Alex.

The smug smile on Tommy's lips. Like the victor in a battle that has yet to begin. No starting pistol. No first punch thrown.

I can't let him get hurt.

I reached in their heads. Flick flick. Like a light switch. Dulling emotions. Deadening anger. Call it energy efficient. I watched them leave me. My friend, my father, my love. Alone by my own hand. But not alone.

Not alone.

Tommy's hands on my shoulders, his lips against my ear, his words. He was all around me and they were gone and I trembled and shook and fell apart.

His good girl.

I'm sorry Alex. I love you.

I deserve this.

https://youtu.be/KXBsbbHqqFg